Code Name: Mama

New Posts at http://codenamemama.com

2010-04-08T21:55:00.001-05:00

Have you visited my new site? http://codenamemama.com

Here are some recent posts about parenting, childbirth, breastfeeding, and cosleeping.

Focusing on children's needs instead of on their behavior;

Why birthing on our backs is not the ideal position;

The joys of breastfeeding a toddler #1; and

The cosleeping contest essay entries from my husband and from me that will be featured in a new book about cosleeping!

Please visit and say hello!

http://codenamemama.com

2009-12-24T20:49:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't found my new blog, please join me at http://codenamemama.com

I am blogging daily there on all kinds of stuff! My latest post is "What Breastmilk Tastes Like, Part 1" - the start of a series on the composition and taste of breastmilk.

I hope to see you there!
~d

New pregnancy and birth post (and more!)

2009-11-12T14:19:00.001-06:00

There are many more posts at the new blog - do you have it bookmarked? Come hang out with me there!

www.codenamemama.com

New Website!

2009-11-08T18:33:00.000-06:00

I am packing up and blogging permanently at www.codenamemama.com
Please come join me over there! It's not quite "finished" and pretty yet, but it's good enough.
Hope to see you there!

~Dionna

Tips for Disneyworld and Orlando with a Toddler

2009-11-07T08:30:00.003-06:00

Be sure to check out my new site: www.codenamemama.com
This blog will be shut down as soon as we get the new one fully functional!

We recently took a wonderful vacation to Orlando with our 22 month old. We were fortunate enough to stay for 7 nights, so there was plenty of time to see a variety of the sites in the area. This was our first major vacation with our toddler, so we were a little apprehensive about how he would do on such a long trip away from home. (Be sure to read this post for tips on packing and this post for tips on doing Disney on a budget.)

Our worries were unfounded, he had a great time! If anything, we were surprised that Kieran slept more than we anticipated (cutting his canines and/or two year molars probably played a part in that). With our relative success, I thought I would share my tips for vacationing in Orlando with a toddler:

1) Don't overdo it: give your toddler as much, if not more, time for naps every day as you would at home. With the extra running around you are bound to do, she will tire out faster than she does at home.

Kieran fell asleep at Magic Kingdom during the Haunted Mansion ride, and at Animal Kingdom during the Kilimanjaro Safari ride. Disney really wore him out!

2) Bring your carrier and full-sized stroller (the kind with the basket underneath): If your toddler is anything like mine, he'll be asking "up? up? up!" much more often than he wants to run off on his own. Busy theme parks and new places can be overwhelming for toddlers, they'll need to reconnect with you often. My Action Baby Carrier was a life saver (our Ergo would have worked just as well, but Tom prefers the ABC).

The stroller came in handy not for Kieran, but for our stuff. We brought a soft-sided cooler with us and carried it in the stroller at the parks (it stayed in the rental car at the beach, etc.). We also threw the backpack in the stroller instead of hefting it around. At Disney, there are places to leave your stroller at virtually every ride, and we never had a problem with theft. I guess since everyone is doing it, there is safety in numbers.

3) Don't restrict yourself to Disney: Orlando is within an hour of the East coast and Atlantic Ocean, and less than two hours from the West coast and the calmer Gulf waters. We visited both while we were there (Cocoa Beach twice and Clearwater Beach once), and I think Kieran's favorite days were at the beach. He loved splashing in the waves and jumping on our rented boogie board, and he spent hours building sandcastles and searching for seashells.

There are also dozens of state parks to visit in Florida, many within an easy drive from Orlando. We took a day trip to Blue Spring State Park, and Kieran loved taking a dip in the chilly spring water almost as much as he liked playing on the park playground after we ate lunch there.

On our last day (at Tom's insistence), we visited one of several fancy Orlando miniature golf courses. The boys had a good time hitting golf balls near a "volcano" and several water hazards.

And a few more Disney-specific tips:

4) Take advantage of the "Rider Switch Pass" and "Single Rider" lane options: We used Kieran's nap times to do roller coasters. Several of the big kid rides at Disney parks have "single rider" lanes that move at a much faster rate than the regular lines. At Animal Kingdom, Tom rode Mount Everest three times in a row in under 30 minutes. When he was done, I handed him the sleeping baby and took a turn on the roller coaster. Other rides have "rider switch passes." For these, the waiting adult gets a ticket and the riding adult gets in line, then you switch after the ride is over. The person who waited gets into the "Fast Pass" line with the switch pass and saves time in line.

5) Do the parades: Yes, Kieran enjoyed the Dumbo and It's a Small World rides, the Finding Nemo musical and the carousel. But his favorite part of the parks had to be the parades - we watched the entire Spectral Magic parade at Magic Kingdom (the night parade) and Mickey's Jammin' Jungle parade at Animal Kingdom, and we caught the last half of the 3:00 parade at Magic Kingdom. For all three Kieran stood at attention the entire time - waving, dancing, pointing, and interacting with the cast members and characters who came to give out high fives and comment on how cute he was (he wore a Superman t-shirt on Halloween and got several comments on it). The music is catchy and the cast/characters/floats are entertaining. We highly recommend the parades.

6) Take your own meals, snacks, and water into the parks: Like I wrote in my post on Disney on a Budget, you can save an enormous amount of money by bringing in your own meals to the parks. You can also save time - time spent waiting in line at food stands and waiting for tables at sit down restaurants. Afternoon showers are a perfect time to eat your own picnic lunch underneath one of the many shop awnings. Everyone else will be trying to get into the restaurants - you can eat quickly and queue up for the next ride.

Do you have any more tips for visiting Orlando and Disney with a toddler? Let me know in the comments!

Tips for Disneyworld on a Budget

2009-11-06T08:30:00.012-06:00

I scoured the Internet when planning our Disney vacation for money-saving tips. A lot of sites had one or two helpful tips, but I never found a good comprehensive list. Here are several things we did to save money and have fun at Disneyworld.

Disney on a Budget

1) Travel during the off-season: Frommer's gives you an idea of when the best off-season times to travel to Orlando are. You will find much better rates on everything - from airfare to hotels - during off-season travel periods. For our late October/early November vacation, our hotel and airfare (booked together on expedia.com) totalled $640 after taxes - that included two adult round trip flights from Kansas City to Orlando and seven nights at our hotel.

2) Unless you plan on doing all Disney all the time, don't worry about booking a room in a Disney Resort property. We stayed at Comfort Inn Lake Buena Vista. It was a 10-15 minute drive to the parks (by car or by the free shuttle the hotel offered) and had all of the amenities we wanted (pool, fridge, microwave, laundry). We simply aren't at any hotel enough to justify the exorbitant rates we would have paid at a Disney property.

Our rooms at the Comfort Inn were newly remodeled and in great shape. The electronic billboard outside of the hotel said all rooms were $60/night; you would be lucky to book a room on a Disney property for less than $100/night, even during "Value Season."

3) Tour a resort to get reduced prices on your tickets: Our hotel "concierge" offered us tickets at almost half price in return for spending 1.5 - 2 hours touring a resort property. You can read a little bit about our experience in this post. One day tickets for a Disney park at the gate will run you about $85-$90, we got our tickets for $49 each (including taxes).

I would not trust the discount ticket booths you see all over Orlando - their agents buy the unused days from tourists with multiple day tickets and then sell the tickets back to you. There is no way to verify how many days are left, and often the Disney employees will ask you for an ID at the gate. You are not assured of getting in to a park on a recycled ticket.

4) Bring a soft-sided cooler with you and pack your own meals/snacks: Meals in the parks can add up quickly. Depending on the number of people in your family, you can save a significant amount of money by bringing in quick and easy meals rather than buying the processed food available at Disney.

I booked a hotel with a refrigerator and microwave, and we stopped at the grocery store on the day we arrived. We bought cereal and fruit for breakfast, sandwich fixin's and veggies for lunch, a case of bottled water, and I had packed lots of granola bars and crackers for snacks. We also ate dinner a few times at the hotel: rotisserie chicken, veggies steamed in the bag, and a delicious pasta meal that we cooked in the bag.

I packed napkins, plastic silverware, and Ziploc bags in our checked suitcase, and we bought a package of disposable bowls for the hotel room. We packed our cooler every morning using ice from the hotel ice machines, and it was easy to transport around the parks in our stroller. We also took the cooler with us when we visited both coasts.

5) Don't pay parking fees: Stay in a hotel that offers free shuttles, or park at Downtown Disney for free and take a free Disney shuttle to the parks. Parking on a Disney park lot will run you $14/day. That can add up if you are spending more than one day at the parks.

6) Bring souvenirs with you: Bypass the expensive souvenirs sold in the parks and bring some with you instead. You can look for better deals on Ebay, craigslist, garage sales, and your local stores. Once in Orlando, skip the big "Florida/Disney Gift" cheapie stores (most are huge blue buildings); their merchandise is very poor quality (and a lot of it is in seriously bad taste). There are a few Disney outlets that sell old/discontinued Disney merchandise, but we didn't find any Earth-shattering deals at the character outlet we went to.

One other thing to buy before you go - anything glow in the dark if you plan on attending the night parade at Magic Kingdom. We bought glow in the dark bracelets at Target - 12 for $1; we ended up handing most of them out to kids around us at the parade (I love the generosity of toddlers!!). We also bought Disney stickers and tattoos at Walmart, Kieran enjoyed those on the plane and at the parks.

Disneyworld is a fantastic experience for all ages, and you do not have to be wealthy to go. Just be smart, plan ahead, and take advantage of the money saving ideas offered by the veterans.

Have a magical day,

Tips for Packing for a Family Vacation

2009-11-05T08:30:00.005-06:00

We recently took an eight day/seven night vacation to Orlando, Florida. Packing was a bit of a challenge, so I wanted to share a few tips on packing for a vacation with a toddler.

Bringing a toddler on a trip sometimes requires you to haul around a couple of extra items. Since we rented a car in Florida, we brought our own car seat (I did not trust the rental company to provide us with a decent one). We also brought a full sized stroller (the kind with storage underneath), because we planned on doing a few parks and had brought a soft-sided cooler with us to pack our own lunches. A car seat and stroller are bulky and inconvenient, so I wanted to keep the rest of our luggage to a minimum. We ended up bringing one large suitcase to check, one small suitcase to carry on, and our backpack (which functions as our diaper bag). With this in mind, here are my tips to help you keep your luggage orderly and easy to pack and unpack.

1) Pack less and plan on doing a load of laundry: We were in Orlando for eight days, but I only packed for five. One of those outfits was a "nice" shirt for each of us in case we ate somewhere classier than Shoney's; I also kept an extra outfit for Kieran in our backpack. Halfway through the week we did a load of laundry at our hotel (I made sure to book a hotel that had laundry facilities). Most of what I packed for me and Tom were shirts - we have no problem re-wearing shorts or jeans several times between washings.

2) Pack outfits in bags by day: I packed our large suitcase with several bags. Some were marked with a date ("Wed. 1/28") - in each dated bag I packed one outfit for each of us (including socks, underwear, and extra diapers). I also had one bag marked "extra for Kieran" that had diapers, his Superman cape, his swim trunks, and his nice shirt, an "extra for Dionna," and one more for Tom (both with similar items). When I unpacked at the hotel, the outfits were hung in groups and there was never any scrounging around in the mornings for clothes to wear. After I did laundry, the clothes simply went back on the hangers in groups. Easy!

I reused the bags to pack the dirty clothes; any clean clothes I folded neatly. When we got home, I hung the clean clothes and took the bags downstairs to toss in the laundry. It made unpacking incredibly fast and painless.

3) Pack small toiletry items, especially liquids, in clear plastic Ziploc bags: If you really want to be fancy, pack them in logical groups. For example, toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss, and mouthwash together; contact case, saline solution, and glasses together; shampoo, conditioner, razor, and q-tips together; baby items together; etc. I put all of my toiletries in the inside zippered section of our checked suitcase. Packing toiletries in waterproof bags not only keeps your other belongings safe from spills, but it makes it easier to set everything up in the hotel and to put away later at home.

4) Pack all of your electronics in one location: We put all of our electronics (laptop, Garmin, camcorder) in our small carry-on suitcase and the cords for each in the carry-on's zippered section. Our camera and phones were in the backpack for easy access. We felt the electronics would be safer with us than they would being tossed around by airline personnel. After we'd been in Florida for a few days, it was nice to know exactly where to find all of the cords when it was time to recharge batteries.

We keep our camera handy for impromptu photo opportunities like this one: the Northwest Airlines pilots invited us to sit down in the cockpit after I told them how excited Kieran had been to fly and say hello to the "pi-pi."

5) Pack shoes and a couple of heavier items (like jeans) in the outside zippered compartment of your checked bag. When we weighed our checked bag at the airport, it was four pounds over the maximum allowed without an extra fee. We easily transferred our sandals and a pair of jeans from the outside of the large bag to the carry-on suitcase. We avoided a hefty overweight fee and the hassle of unzipping the main part of our suitcase and rummaging through it in the middle of the busy airport.

6) Pack anything you’ll need quickly in your backpack or diaper bag. In our backpack we kept: diapers, changing pad, and wipes; a change of clothes for Kieran; fun things for Kieran to do while traveling; our camera, phones, and wallets; a few “just in case” items for Kieran (Ibuprofen for teething pain, teething tablets, a burp cloth); snacks and a bottle of water. (Even though TSA says formula or juice only, we were allowed to bring one bottle of water through security.)

7) Pack snacks and fun things for your toddler to do: We had a short layover and about three hours on the plane each way. Here is what we packed to keep Kieran occupied after the novelty of the plane wore off: stickers, construction paper, twistable crayons, a couple of new books, a stuffed animal, a Doodler Travel, and snacks (Annie's bunny crackers and some organic soft granola bars). The stickers were a hit - he enjoyed sharing them with a little girl across the aisle. The books were also a success, I got an "I Spy" book (to hold his attention) and a Dr. Seuss classic (long and engrossing). He never touched the Doodler or the crayons, but he has on other trips.

I hope these are helpful, feel free to share your packing tips and tricks in the comments!

Happy traveling,

Pregnancy and Birth: The Cascade of Interventions (Part 1)

2009-11-04T08:30:00.000-06:00

This post is a continuation of a series of pregnancy and birth posts. (Here is the first one.)

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to do several posts on pregnancy and birth. I hope to share a few things that were helpful to me; I hope they will help other parents as well.

Thoughtful, respectful discussion is strongly encouraged. My general disclaimer is this: I am not writing to condemn parents who do things differently. I only wish to share information that has influenced the way we live and parent. Perhaps it will give others something new to consider, perhaps not. I welcome your input, because I am always learning too. The important thing is that we are all doing our best to raise our children in safe, loving environments.

100 Years of Childbirth in America

At the turn of the twentieth century, childbirth in America took place almost exclusively in the home. The first maternity wards were connected with teaching hospitals, and only poor mothers gave birth in them. Physicians soon realized the value of all pregnant women as "teaching material," and they began a crusade to end home births. (1)

The doctors' campaign succeeded. By 1920, hospital birth was the new norm, and the standard of care included anesthetizing all laboring mothers. These drugged mothers were unable to care for their newborns, and so babies became secondary patients. Approximately 80% of mothers had hospital births by the end of WWII, and hospitals had to build large nurseries to house infants for the now mandatory post-birth observation period. Babies were further isolated by strict medical procedures put in place to keep the newborns safe from the infections that are ever-present in a hospital environment. (2)

It wasn't until the 1970's that women started to take back control of their bodies and birth experiences en masse. Many mothers refused anesthesia, opting instead for natural childbirth (or at least for pain relief that didn't render them unconscious). Babies were still taken from their mothers and admitted to the nursery to be weighed, bathed, and declared healthy by hospital staff, but mothers were given more time to bond with their newborns in the first 24 hours. (3)

Even with the surge of interest in natural birth in the 70's, the medicalization of childbirth has reached new levels over the last twenty years. Today, almost one-third of women receive a cesarean section ("c-section") - that number has gone up more than 50% since 1996. (4) More than one-third of labors are medically induced, and almost half of labors are medically stimulated. 76% of women are restrained in bed, most women are denied food, fluids, or both, and 86% of women are given drugs for pain relief. (5)

With the advanced technology and ease of access to modern medicine available to pregnant women in the United States, it would be easy to imagine that childbirth has become safer for mothers and babies. That is not the case.

The Cascade of Interventions (Part 1)

Without going into a discourse on every possible intervention practiced in medicalized childbirth, I'd like to briefly visit a few of the more common practices and list some of the reasons Tom and I decided to avoid them (I realize that emergencies do happen in a minority of cases, making interventions necessary).

1. Induction

One of the most common reasons for induction is fear that the baby is "too big." Doctors scare parents with horror stories of shoulder dystocia (where the baby's shoulders get stuck during birth) and emergency c-sections in order to get the parents to agree to schedule induction. But the facts do not support the fear tactics. First, ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate at predicting birth weight, so doctors cannot say with any confidence that a woman is carrying a big baby. (6) Second, shoulder dystocia is not tied to weight, and studies have shown that there is no greater chance of it occurring in a natural birth as it is in an induced birth. Finally, women who have inductions have a greater chance of undergoing a c-section than women who allow labor to occur naturally. (7)

Another common excuse to induce is that the baby is "overdue." There are several flaws with this argument. First, due dates are arbitrary. Due date calculations are based on the mother's last period, and the doctor assumes that the mother has a 28 day period with ovulation at day 14. If your cycle is different, your projected due date will be off. Second, the average pregnancy is actually longer than 40 weeks; nothing magical happens at week 40 that requires the baby be born at that moment. Finally, in the vast majority of cases, it is simply safer to let our bodies manage when labor begins. (8)

Studies have shown that induction increases your chances of many other interventions, including:

vacuum or forceps-assisted vaginal birth;
cesarean surgery;
problems during labor, such as fever, changes in fetal heart rate, and shoulder dystocia;
the laboring woman's use of an epidural or other drugs for pain relief;
low birth weight;
admission to the NICU;
jaundice . . . that requires treatment for the newborn; and
increased length of hospital stay for the mother and/or the baby. (10)

Letting Labor Begin Spontaneously Is Ideal

Your body is miraculously designed to labor unassisted by artificial stimulation. In the last month of pregnancy, your cervix softens. Your uterus contracts to stretch and open your cervix and to help your baby move lower toward the birth canal. Your baby's lungs mature in the last few weeks, and his brain continues critical development through week 41. Some researchers have found evidence that it is the baby who releases a chemical that signals she is ready for labor. (9) When that happens, your body releases a surge of hormones to start labor. These hormones are present for two reasons: 1) to help you labor properly and 2) to help your "baby prepare for the transition from life inside the womb to outside and, especially, for breathing with his lungs for the first time." (11)

Experiencing contractions naturally allows you to labor in the most effective way for your body. Spontaneous labor is also healthier for the baby and allows him to be born when he is fully developed, while the chemicals introduced in an induction may have adverse effects on mother and/or baby. (12) If there is a valid reason for induction, there are many natural ways mothers can try to jump-start labor without resorting to chemicals. (13)

If your doctor is pressuring you to induce, ask her for evidence to back up what she is claiming. If she can give you any evidence, share your own research and let her know you wish to start labor without drugs. You have a right to refuse medical interventions, including induction. (14)

2. Electronic Fetal Monitoring

Regardless of where you give birth, your provider will check the baby's heartbeat intermittently throughout labor and delivery to ensure the baby is not under too much stress. This can be done in several ways: with a stethoscope; a Doppler (a handheld device with a speaker); electronic fetal monitoring ("EFM") (an electronic ultrasound device strapped onto the mother's stomach); an internal monitor; or with telemetry monitoring (like EFM, but mother can remain mobile). (15) EFM has become a routine part of any hospital birth, regardless of whether the mother/baby are high or low risk. Unfortunately, continuous monitoring of the fetal heartbeat may have negative consequences.

"When EFM was first introduced, the initial goal was to identify fetal distress during labor and, subsequently, allow timely intervention that would improve birth outcomes." However, the use of early EFM does not lead to increased positive birth outcomes. (16) In fact, research suggests that the use of electronic monitoring actually increases the risk of cesarean sections, instrumental delivery, augmentation of labor, and epidurals. (17) And while expert panels in both the United States and Canada have recommended against the use of EFM for low-risk mothers, hospitals continue to routinely employ electronic monitoring for all laboring women. (18) And it is not only low-risk mothers that may be harmed by routine EFM. The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force states that "[t]here is insufficient evidence to recommend for or against EFM" even for high-risk mothers. (19)

"The routine use of [EFM] does not make birth safer for women and babies. In fact, unless there is a clear medical reason for the use of technology or other interventions, interfering with the natural process of labor and birth is not likely to be beneficial and actually may be harmful. It is safer and healthier to allow labor to unfold and not to interfere in any way with the natural process, unless there is a clear medical indication to do so." (20) Not only does research show that EFM (either at admission and/or continuously during labor) may lead to more interventions, but one thing is also clear: babies born after continuous EFM are no more healthy than those born to mothers who were monitored intermittently. (21)

If you do not wish to be monitored continuously during labor, talk to your midwife or OB. Let her know that you would like to be monitored intermittently or even with Doppler. Show her the research that continuous (and admission) EFM increases the risk of further medical interventions.

______________________________________

(1) http://www.collegeofmidwives.org/legal_legislative01/HxMfryIndex01/abriefhx.htm ("A Brief History of Hospital Nurseries")

(2) A Brief History of Hospital Nurseries

(3) A Brief History of Hospital Nurseries

(4) http://cfmidwifery.org/pdf/StateMatCare2005CfM.pdf ("State of American Childbirth") (citing Hamilton, BE, et al. “Births: Preliminary Data for 2006” National Vital Statistics Reports, Vol. 56, No. 7, December 5, 2007. Available at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr56/nvsr56_07.pdf)

(5) State of American Childbirth (citing Declercq, ER, et al. Listening to Mothers II: Report of the Second National US Survey of Women’s Childbearing Experiences. New York: Childbirth Connection, 2006. Available at http://www.childbirthconnection.org/listeningtomothers/)
(6) http://www.nzma.org.nz/journal/119-1241/2146/ ("As the reliability of ultrasound estimation of fetal weight to detect larger babies was poor, the use of such an objective measurement in the management of suspected macrosomia in term singleton pregnancies should be avoided.")
(7) Goer, Henci, The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth at 51-52 (1999) ("Thinking Woman's Guide"); see also http://www.hencigoer.com/articles/elective_induction/ ("Elective Induction"); http://www.truebirth.com/2008/02/induction-to-avoid-cesarean-for-large-babies/ ("Induction to Avoid")

(8) http://www.givingbirthnaturally.com/reasons-to-induce-labor.html

(9) http://www.lamaze.org/ChildbirthEducators/ResourcesforEducators/CarePracticePapers/LaborBeginsOnItsOwn/tabid/487/Default.aspx ("Let Labor Begin on its Own") (citing Condon, J. C., Pancharatnam, J., Faust, J. M., & Mendelson, C. R. (2004). Surfactant protein secreted by the maturing mouse fetal lung acts as a hormone that signals the initiation of parturition. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 101(14), 4978–4983); see also http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1595040/
(10) Let Labor Begin on its Own (citing Goer, H., Leslie, M. S., & Romano, A. (2007). The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services: Evidence basis for the ten steps of mother-friendly care. Step 6: Does not routinely employ practices, procedures unsupported by scientific evidence. The Journal of Perinatal Education, 16(Suppl. 1), 32S–64S)
(11) Let Labor Begin on its Own (citing Jain, L., & Eaton, D. C. (2006). Physiology of fetal lung fluid clearance and the effect of labor. Seminars in Perinatology, 30(1), 34–43)
(12) Let Labor Begin on its Own
(13) http://www.givingbirthnaturally.com/natural-ways-to-induce-labor.html
(14) Induction to Avoid
(15) http://www.childbirth.org/articles/efmfaq.html ("Monitoring FAQ")
(16) http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1595164/; see also http://onyx-ii.com/birthsong/page.cfm?efm ("Why Are We Using EFM")
(17) http://www.changesurfer.com/Hlth/EFM.html; see also http://sanantoniomidwife.org/Revisiting%20the%20use%20of%20the%20electronic%20fetal%20monitor.pdf ("Revisiting the Use of EFM")
(18) Revisiting the Use of EFM
(19) Why Are We Using EFM
(20) http://www.lamaze.org/ChildbirthEducators/ResourcesforEducators/CarePracticePapers/NoRoutineInterventions/tabid/483/Default.aspx ("Avoid Interventions That Are Not Medically Necessary")
(21) Avoid Interventions That Are Not Medically Necessary

Wax Paper Fall Collages

2009-11-03T12:00:00.000-06:00

This past Monday Fun-day, we made wax paper fall collages with our friends, Jax and Sarah. This was everyone's first time making wax paper collages, but they turned out nicely. I wasn't really impressed until I hung them in the windows - that was definitely the trick to making these beautiful. The sun shines through and makes the colors pop out brilliantly.

Here are the easy steps to make your own wax paper collages:

1) Gather fall leaves/grasses/flowers/etc. - anything that will lay flat once pressed. Most of our leaves were wet, and I think that the collages would have pressed better if the leaves were dry. (So you may want to let your pretties dry overnight.)

2) Get other things to decoarte with. We used glitter glue and crayon shavings (we just used a pencil sharpener).

3) Decorate your wax paper - this is the fun part! Kieran loved squeezing the glitter glue everywhere.

4) Put a second piece of wax paper over the first, cover with a very thin towel, and iron. We used the high setting on the iron, and it still didn't completely melt together (this is where I think dry leaves would have been better).

5) Hang in a window and enjoy!

Pregnancy and Birth: Midwives

2009-11-02T07:00:00.001-06:00

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to do several posts on pregnancy and birth. I hope to share a few things that were helpful to me; I hope they will help other parents as well.

As soon as we found out we were expecting, I did what many pregnant American women do: I started watching "A Baby Story" religiously. The dozen or so episodes I watched left me with a relatively unpleasant impression of labor and delivery.

Doctors, speaking with an impatient and detached authority, often paint their laboring patients as helpless and at the mercy of their own bodies. Women who are completely capable of delivering babies safely and naturally are forced into situations in which they feel as if their choices have been taken from them. The medicalization of birth has enabled doctors to place mothers into false dilemmas that lead to a snowball of unnecessary interventions. These interventions (induction, monitors, mandated delivery positions, c-sections, etc.) can be more harmful to both mother and newborn than the scare tactic alternatives waved around by doctors.

Searching for something different, I borrowed a copy of “Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife,” and it completely changed my mindset about modern obstetrics. Baby Catcher exposed me to a completely different theory of pregnancy and birth. Birth should not be viewed as a series of emergencies; it is not a disease that needs to be monitored for signs of danger. The midwife model of care treats pregnancy and birth as normal, healthy processes. Midwives work with parents to empower mothers and make birth the joyous experience it should be.

The majority of pregnancies are normal, and all women should be able to enjoy their birthing experience regardless of who is present at the birth (doctor, midwife, and/or birth team) and where the woman chooses to have the baby (at a hospital, a birth center, or at home).

Midwifery

Two of the major decisions women make when pregnant are 1) where to give birth and 2) who will attend the birth. Even though research has shown that births in hospitals, birthing centers, and at home are equally safe, a hospital birth is a given to most women. (3) In fact 99% of women give birth in hospitals. (4) We chose to have Kieran in a birth center with a midwife. I decided that I wanted to work with a midwife because we wanted a natural birth and more personal attention. When we have a second baby, we will opt for a home birth.

Only about 8% of births in the United States are attended by a midwife. (1) This number is drastically lower than the rest of the world, where more than 80% of births are attended by midwives. (2) If more women were exposed to the midwife model of care, I am certain that our numbers of midwife-attended births would climb rapidly.

The Midwife Model of Care

The midwife model of care is a much different approach to pregnancy and birth than the medical model. Midwives are committed to you: they spend more time with you during your prenatal appointments, they support your informed decisions about your care and birth plan, they strive to build your confidence, they are nurturing and empowering, and they reduce unnecessary interventions while helping you cope naturally during labor and birth. (5)

Midwife-assisted births result in fewer interventions including induction, rupture of membranes, episiotomies and cesareans; they also have lower rates of newborn and mother deaths. "These results reflect a fundamental difference in perspectives. Physicians are trained to look at pregnancy in terms of what might go wrong, and to intervene at the first sign of trouble. Midwives 'approach birth as a normal, natural, healthy life event . . . .'" (6)

In a recent study, researchers compared three groups of women, those with: 1) planned home births attended by a midwife; 2) planned hospital births attended by a midwife; and 3) planned hospital births attended by a physician. All women in the three groups were eligible for a home birth (in other words, they were all "low risk"). Among the three groups, the babies born at home had the lowest rate of perinatal death. Women who were assisted by a midwife (both at home and in the hospital) were significantly less likely than women assisted by a physician to have obstetric interventions (fetal monitoring, assisted vaginal delivery) or adverse maternal outcomes (perineal tears, postpartum hemorrhage). Babies born at home were less likely to need resuscitation at birth or oxygen therapy after 24 hours, they were also less likely to have meconium aspiration. (7)

Several studies have demonstrated that women who birth with midwives are less likely to need medical interventions such as episiotomies and cesarean sections. (8) While "obstetricians. . . . perform cesarean sections on 19% or more" of healthy low-risk women, only 3 to 4% of women with midwife-assisted births need a cesarean section. (9)

In addition to the physical benefits of having a midwife-assisted birth, there are also monetary benefits. "Americans could save $13 billion to $20 billion annually in health care costs by developing a network of midwifery care providers, demedicalizing childbirth, and encouraging breastfeeding." (10)

From a personal standpoint, I can attest to the patience and decreased intervention of a midwife. Kieran was posterior, and I found out later that my 30ish hours of back labor would have easily translated to a c-section at any hospital. Fortunately, my midwife allowed me to labor in my own time - first in bed, then in the tub, then with a half dose of Stadol (to help me sleep; it didn't work), then with nipple stimulation and a plethora of different labor/pushing positions, and finally on the birthing stool where Kieran was finally born looking up into my eyes.

My midwife made me feel like a mother before I held my baby in my arms. She helped Tom and I take ownership of pregnancy and birth, and she left us alone to labor together. I remember rocking freely back and forth in Tom's arms in the long, frozen hours of the night before Kieran's birth. At a hospital, I would have likely been hooked up to an IV and monitors, tethered near a barred bed. At the birth center I wandered wherever my contractions led me, and I received no internal exams until I wanted one - not in any of my prenatal visits, not until I had been laboring for approximately eight hours.

If you have never thought about anything except an OB and a hospital birth, you may want to reconsider. Try reading Baby Catcher; see if the stories Peggy relates move your heart. You have alternatives, and it is not too late to switch from an OB to a midwife (we did not meet our midwife until I was six months pregnant).

This site and this site contain resources to help you find a midwife in your area. This site contains some thoughtful questions you can ask midwives or obstetricians when you are interviewing potential birth assistants.

_______________________________________________

(1) http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/choosing-your-birth-practitioner ("Choosing Your Birth Practitioner")

(2) http://www.midwives.mb.ca/about.html; see also Choosing Your Birth Practitioner

(3) Choosing Your Birth Practitioner

(4) The sources I found revealed that 99% of women give birth in hospitals while only 1% of women give birth at home. Surprisingly, I was unable to find a number for babies born in birth centers, so I am unsure if they are lumped into the 99% statistic. http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1898316,00.html; see also http://www.nytimes.com/1982/09/05/us/most-us-babies-born-in-hospital-study-says.html

(5) http://cfmidwifery.org/mmoc/brochure_text.aspx

(6) http://www.mymidwife.org/midwifery.cfm

(7) http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/181/6-7/377

(8) http://www.journals.elsevierhealth.com/periodicals/jnm/article/PII0091218294900167/abstract; see also http://www.cfmidwifery.org/pdf/cesarean2x.pdf ("Out of Hospital Midwifery Care"); http://www.jmwh.com/article/S1526-9523(08)00211-0/abstract; http://myhealthfreedom.com/index.php?id=198

(9) Out of Hospital Midwifery Care

(10) http://www.choicemidwives.org/?page_id=16

_______________________________________________

Thank You, Thumper

2009-11-01T05:39:00.002-06:00

We are vacationing in Orlando, complete with trips to Disney, both coasts, and a designated manatee refuge with 72 degree springs.

Initially, our only Disney plans were to spend one day at Animal Kingdom. We did not think Magic Kingdom (the traditional Disney destination) was necessary since Kieran has never seen anything Disney. The only introduction he had to Mickey Mouse and crew before Florida was the pack of stickers and temporary tattoos I got him at the store last week.

I guess that was enough.

Much to our surprise, Kieran has fallen in love with the Disney characters. Walt and his successors have done an excellent job of turning Orlando into Mickey's town. Even though we didn't do any of the parks until we'd been in town four days, we were inundated by mouse ears at every turn. I'll admit, it might have made even me a little mouse-crazy.

And so I talked Tom into a trip to Magic Kingdom.

Because we weren't planning on the expense of two extra Disney tickets, we had to get creative. In a very short amount of time. (There aren't a lot of legit options out there, by the way.)

Consequently, we pimped ourselves out as potential resort shareholders. It's not necessarily a route I would recommend to anyone with small children with no babysitter. Basically you eat a one star lunch, hear a two bit sales pitch, tour a five star resort, and have to refuse three or four offers before you are shown the door (and your much-reduced park tickets). It doesn't help that you are tag-teamed during the final push - their banter is reminiscent of the good cop/bad cop routine on cheesy TV shows. The strangest part in all of this is that the salesperson who was your best friend for the first 1.5 hours becomes almost hostile as soon as you give the final "no."

At any rate, we got our tickets and were shipped off to the Magic Kingdom. We arrived in time for the 3:00 parade, and we closed the park down after the last fireworks sparkled out over Cinderella's castle. Kieran rode "up! down! up! down!" on the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride, fell asleep during the Haunted Mansion, and watched with wide eyes as the floats and characters passed in front of us during the Spectral Magic Light Parade.

The best part of the day was when Kieran finally got to meet Mickey and Minnie. He had talked about them for hours. As soon as I told him we were going to meet and perhaps hug Mickey, he had been repeating "hug Mickey? hug Mickey?!" incessantly. When we reached the front of the line, he ran up to Mickey and gave him a big hug. And then he kissed Mickey on the nose. It was incredibly sweet.

I must admit, it wasn't the only moment during our two days at Disney that I got a little misty.

I had another misty moment the following day at Animal Kingdom. Kieran loves animals, and I have been excited to see his reaction at something a little more flashy than the exhibits he is accustomed to. We are Friends of the Zoo at home, and Kieran never tires of visiting. He loved the exhibits at Animal Kingdom too, but we had to laugh when he fell asleep during the last few minutes of the Kilimanjaro Safari Ride (one of the most popular rides in the park). His favorite part of Animal Kingdom was the Finding Nemo musical. He was frightened at the beginning of the sharks' number, but once he realized they were harmless he kept (nervously) bebopping along to the music.

Before "Mickey's Jammin' Jungle Parade" started, we hurried over to meet a few characters. Kieran gave some loves to Donald Duck, and then he spied Thumper - the only Disney character he was actually familiar with outside of his new stickers and tattoos. My mom bought him a "Thumper Counts to 10" book last year, and it is a semi-regular read in our house. The pictures are beautiful, and he was set on kissing Thumper as soon as he made the connection.

Unfortunately, we were a few back in line when Thumper had to leave to join the parade. Kieran saw Thumper leaving and started crying as if his heart was broken. We tried to tell him that we would see Thumper in the parade, but Kieran wanted none of it - he started running after Thumper.

As he ran behind Thumper, he cried and sobbed "hug! hug!" I had no idea what to do. Thankfully, Thumper heard the distraught toddler losing ground behind him and took pity.

Thumper stopped to hug my baby. He hugged him long and hard, waiting for Kieran's tears to dry up.

Disney may be a billion dollar corporation, but it has instilled in its cast members the reason behind its success:

Us.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

In case I don't get a chance to update before Halloween, here are some early wishes for a good one to you and yours. Trick or treat safely!

(Thank you, hubby o' mine, for carving our pumpkin like my monster shirts! Aren't you clever?!)

Rah Rah Roh

2009-10-25T21:34:00.000-05:00

When I posted last week's Toddlerese word, I had already started thinking about making the following video. Unfortunately, I'm not a techno geek; but I live with one! Many thanks to my dear hubby for spending a few hours splicing some video clips together. I'm sure the fact that Kieran and I were hanging over his shoulder the whole time made it that much easier.

For your viewing pleasure, this video will reveal the true meaning of last week's Toddlerese word.

This video is dedicated to my lady Kelly, who always belted out "Old Time Rock & Roll" almost as good as Seger himself on karaoke night.

And Tia Tammy? You rock. ;)

Bitter Haikus 2

2009-10-24T13:14:00.003-05:00

Fuzzi Bunz Catastrophe

Smelly blow-outs on

unseasonably warm days;

Life is bittersweet.

No es bueno.
Spring forward, fall back;
I can never keep them straight.
Travel . . . time change . . . damn.

Toddlerese 3

2009-10-20T19:52:00.001-05:00

It's Tuesday, which means it's time for another one of Kieran's special toddlerese words.

If you're still wondering about last week's word, wonder no more. Kieran was saying "potty chair." He doubles the first consonant sound of most words, so potty became "pah-pah". Chair has always been some version of "cow", we're really not sure why. So there you have it: "po-po coooo" = potty chair.

Here's number 3:

Guesses?

Homemade Applesauce

2009-10-19T13:31:00.001-05:00

My mom motivated me to try making homemade applesauce, and it was a huge hit. Mom brought me some apples, and my very nice neighbor had given me some apples they'd picked at the orchard last week, so I started with about 2 dozen apples. Here is the very easy recipe.

Homemade Cinnamon Applesauce

1 dozen apples

3/4 cup water

Cinnamon to taste (I used about 1 tsp)

Core and peel your apples. We also cut ours in half even after using the apple corer, thinner slices = less cooking time.
Put apples in a large pot and pour in the water. The water should definitely *not* cover the apples, just add enough to cover the bottom of your pot. Your apples will cook down and add more water after simmering.
Simmer on medium low for approx. 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Once apples are mashable (check with a fork), put them in a blender or food processor. I blended about a cup at a time. I used the ice crusher/pulse button on my blender, then used the liquefy button after they were sufficiently chopped up. Mom just mashes hers with a potato masher, but I wanted mine less chunky. (Add more of the water from the pot to make your sauce runnier, less to make it thicker.)
Cool and eat.

I made two batches - one last night and one this morning. We froze the batch we made last night. We shared half of this morning's batch with our Monday Fun-day buddies (thanks for the name, Jesse!) and gave the other half to a friend who helped me with a huge sewing project. Each batch probably made 12-16 cups of applesauce. The boys LOVED it; Kieran had 3 servings after we painted this morning.

Helping Grandma start the applesauce

What made it even better is that Kieran helped us make it. He put the apple slices in the pot and then helped me push the buttons on the blender. It was a fun family activity. What a yummy way to usher in the fall!

Rice Diving

2009-10-18T22:12:00.001-05:00

I have a friend who has a son that is almost two months older than Kieran. We are both stay at home mamas, and we both enjoy doing fun, "educational" things with our toddlers. Neither one of us is drilling our kids with flash cards or making them memorize things by rote, but we do like to plan fun activities that happen to have a bonus, like painting with colors or talking about seasons. The best part is that they live less than ten minutes from us by car, so we have started meeting on Monday mornings to do a "Toddler Activity Time." (Please help us think of a catchy name, I love catchy names and have not come up with anything acceptable yet.)

We take turns hosting each week, and last week was my turn. I planned two activities. The first activity was simply making pictures with stickers. My mom got Kieran some fall-themed foam stickers, so while the boys stuck their stickers everywhere we talked about the red and yellow leaves, the orange pumpkins, the brown and red turkeys, and the green trees.

For our second activity, I filled a bowl with rice and buried seven or eight small toys (magnets, small wooden playfood, marbles, and matchbox cars). This one was definitely the bigger hit. Our friend loved digging his hands deep into the rice and groping around for the toys. Kieran was a little more tentative - he delicately moved the rice around the top, then he started digging deeper when he felt comfortable with the material. They both got so excited when they found something buried. Kieran has actually requested that the rice bowl be left on the table - he's gone back to play with it several times in the past week.

Depositing a wooden broccoli tree in the basket.

A marble!

Sensory activities like finding toys in rice, digging around in sand or beans, or getting messy with finger painting or shaving cream drawings are not only fun, but they also help improve something called "tactile perception." Tactile perception is the term that describes how your brain sends information to and from your fingertips. Improving your toddler's tactile perception helps him feel more confident performing tasks with his hands and fingers.

Here are a few more sensory activities you can do with your toddler:

Shaving cream painting: find a clean surface (the dining room table? We prefer the outdoor picnic table), spray on some shaving cream, and let your toddler go crazy. We sprinkle in a few drops of food coloring to make things interesting. (You can also use whipped cream or pudding)
Put dried beans in a large tupperware bowl. Let your toddler sit on the floor with the bowl of beans and a few utensils (a spoon, a measuring cup, etc.). Kieran has loved this activity ever since he was about a year old. Just be careful that your toddler does not try to eat any of the beans!
Nature table: go on a walk and pick up different things you find (leaves, acorns, pine cones, grass, rocks). Bring them home and put them on the table for your toddler to examine. This is a great activity to do throughout the year to use when talking about seasons.

Toot Burgers

2009-10-16T20:10:00.001-05:00

Kieran used to eat just about anything we put in front of him. Lately, though, he's become more finicky. It's frustrating to make a healthy meal and have it sit untouched. It would be easier if he didn't like certain foods, but it really just depends on the day. Sometimes he loves to eat broccoli "trees," sometimes he won't go near them. Sometimes he loves to munch on tomatoes, other times he takes a bite and spits it back out on the floor. Same thing for just about any food (except crackers of course).

Since he does eat a wide range of foods (albeit not all in one day), I'm not worried about his diet. He's also still breastfeeding, so he's getting nutrition from me. And of course I will continue to offer healthy alternatives. We are also not above making the occasional "chicken helicopter" or "carrot choo choo." Another fun favorite is pretending that we're going to take a bite of Kieran's food, then swerving it over to his mouth. He gets a kick out of "stealing" our bites.

Tonight we had garbanzo bean burgers and sweet potato fries. We've had them before, and they have been a hit for everyone. The last time I made them, I made a double batch and froze several extra patties for an easy freezer meal. This time, however, Kieran wouldn't even take a nibble. I shouldn't have worried since he had eaten about half of a large avocado before dinner, but we still tried to get him to try his burger.

Garbanzo bean burger helicopter: fail

Garbanzo bean burger train: fail

Garbanzo bean burger airplane: fail (even though he specifically requested it)

Garbanzo bean burger swerved away from mama's mouth: fail (but with the added bonus of lots of giggles)

Then I thought of something. The last time we'd had garbanzo bean burgers, my sister and her boyfriend had eaten with us. Tammy had called the next day complaining about the ensuing flatulence. I thought about it and, yes, it had been a little more musical than usual in our house too. But what do you expect after eating a burger made of beans?

I decided to use this information as ammunition. As Kieran was trying to scramble down from his booster seat I said offhandedly: "Kieran, did you know that these burgers will make you toot?" He stopped scrambling.

Tom got the hint and played along: "Yeah, mama and papa are gonna make lots of big toots after we eat our burgers. Don't you want to toot too?"

The impish twinkle in Kieran's eyes was priceless. He quickly considered, then maneuvered back into his booster. "Yup!"

Success! I thought we were so sly. Tom put the bite in Kieran's mouth, Kieran gave it a cursory chew, then spit it back out into his hand.

Foiled again. (We do love the way he says "excuse me," so we really wouldn't have minded a few Kieran toots.)

These burgers are delicious. I modified the recipe I found here, following is the recipe with my changes (this is my double recipe - no need to double it again). To freeze, just cook the burgers as called for in the directions and then put them in the freezer (I wrapped them in foil and put them in an airtight container). To reheat, thaw and broil for a few minutes (I baked them with the fries tonight and they did not do as well as they have under the broiler).

Garbanzo Bean Burgers (aka "Toot Burgers")

Makes approx. 20 patties

2 15 Oz. Can Garbanzo Beans, drained and rinsed (I used dry beans that I had boiled; I used about half the bag and made at least 20 burgers; if cooking with canned beans you might want a third can of beans on hand just in case)
1 Carrot, grated

1/2 of a Zucchini, grated
1 Garlic Clove
1 Small Onion, chopped
2 Eggs
Oatmeal (I probably used 3/4 cup)

2 tsp Flaxseed meal
1 Tbsp Oil

*Place garbanzo beans in a food processor and pulse until combined (I used a blender).
*Place bean mixture in a bowl and combine with remaining ingredients (except oil).
*Form into patties (mixture will be moist).
*Heat oil in a large saute pan over medium high heat.
*Cook the patties for 5 minutes.
*Turn the patties, reduce the heat to low and continue to cook for an additional 5 minutes.
*Serve and/or freeze.

NaBloPoMo

2009-10-15T21:46:00.000-05:00

Is anyone going to participate in NaBloPoMo this November? November is a popular writing month (it must be the cold weather that makes everyone turn introspective and put pen to paper). There is a popular novel writing project that challenges writers to churn out a novel in thirty days each November. Not to be outdone, the blogosphere has established "NaBloPoMo," which challenges bloggers to blog every day in November (well, any month really, but in November there are prize drawings).

I'm truly tempted to try it, but I want to blog around a theme. There are several I'm considering, but the two it has come down to are 1) winter toddler activities and 2) pregnancy/childbirth/baby resources for new and soon-to-be parents. I've actually started on a couple of posts for the second topic, just to see how difficult it will be. Yikes. They have been time consuming. I'm trying to keep them to two pages in length (in Word) plus footnotes, and I'm cramming as many resources in as possible so that new parents will at least have a jumping-off point for further research. Wading through some of the worthless information on the internet has been a pain, and I don't know if I'm ready to tackle thirty days of it.

What about you? Will you blog for thirty days with me? A support system would be helpful. If you are, talk to me about your strategy - are you going to blog around a theme? Will you be doing more involved posts or will they be lighter/easier?

What would you like to see from my blog? Have you enjoyed the posts that I spent time researching (like the ones on toilet paper or circumcision), or the ones I've considered to be more "fluff" (like toddlerese or bitter haikus)? And if you like the researched posts, would you want to read them daily or less often?

If you are a blogger, please make sure to link to your blog in the comments (if you so desire) so I can add you to my reader/follow you. Maybe we can have a NaBloPoMo blogring (or looking further into the future, maybe we could start a blog carnival).

Toddlerese 2

2009-10-13T17:34:00.002-05:00

I'm sure you've been wondering all week what the translation of Kieran's toddlerese word is.

Ready for it?

It was avocado.

Signing wouldn't really help us with that word, as it gets finger-spelled in ASL. While Kieran does know his alphabet (spoken), he's not quite there with signs.

I decided to try toddlerese part 2 - take a stab at this one:

I'll put up a hint later - all I'll say for now is that if you are a signing family, please don't give this one away ;)

Ok, I've been asked for a hint. It is two words - first word, two syllables. He's actually signing the first word in the video.

Bitter Haikus

2009-10-13T07:28:00.002-05:00

Dog! What good are you?!
You did not eat the cat puke,

so I stepped in it.

Don't glare at me, cat.

Your stomach would be full if

you hadn't puked there.

Grrr.

Tom has one to add:

Constantly licking;
Always laying in walkway;
Go home big black dog!

Easy Vegetable Stew

2009-10-12T15:02:00.001-05:00

In my perfect world it would be 75 degrees all year round, but cold weather does have a few advantages:

1) Fires in the fireplace: While we do have a chimney on the roof of our house, appearances in this case are deceiving - we have no fireplace. No crackles and pops to break up the quiet of a sleepy, snow-covered evening, no marshmallows roasting on skewers, no red glow coloring chubby little baby cheeks . . . it's very sad.

2) Long sleeves and sweaters: I've always loved the look of fall and winter clothes. I'm not sure why, it's just a personal preference.

3) Burrowing underneath the covers: I love piling blankets on and snuggling up to Tom to keep warm. Kieran, on the other hand, has an internal furnace that has him kicking off the covers and sleeping spread-eagle in between us. We have to struggle, shivering, to pull the covers up underneath his leaden body so we won't freeze. Tom claims that I have the same furnace, but I have the courtesy to keep it under the blankets.

4) Stews, chili, and soups in the crockpot: there is nothing like throwing a few ingredients into the crockpot in the morning and coming home to a finished meal that evening. Plus, the smell of whatever is cooking fills the whole house - yum! Another great thing about many crockpot meals is that they can be frozen and stored for later. Every time I make any kind of stew, chili, or soup, half of it goes into a container for one of those days I don't want to cook.

I had some vegetables in the fridge that I needed to use, so I decided to make vegetable stew. I also had bean stock (made from cooking a bag of black beans) in the deep freeze just waiting for a good recipe - I was happy to thaw it out. Here is what I did to make our stew, but the nice thing about vegetable stew is that you can easily improvise with whatever you have in the fridge or in the pantry.

Easy Crockpot Vegetable Stew

Water or stock (use enough to cover all of your veggies plus a little more, depending on how soupy you want it)

3 carrots, sliced

2 potatoes, diced

Tomatoes (I used one can of organic diced tomatoes, undrained; I also had about 12 cherry tomatoes leftover that I diced and added)

2 yellow squash, diced

1 onion, diced

1 can corn, undrained

Garbanzo beans (approx. 1 cup; I had cooked and frozen them previously, you could also use canned)

Cabbage

Spinach, shredded (mine was frozen from the garden, I thawed & shredded it)

Lentils (I actually have a Bob's Red Mill soup mix that has lentils, peas, etc.)

Spices (I used cilantro, garlic, a seasoning salt blend, and a few spoonfuls of fresh salsa)

Cornstarch (optional)

Boil carrots and potatoes for a few minutes in a separate pot to soften them.** Put the carrots/potatoes/water, stock, garbanzo beans, spices, and all veggies except for cabbage and spinach into the crockpot. Add at least enough stock or water to completely cover the veggies. Cook for 6 hours on high or up to 12 hours on low. Approximately one hour before serving, add cabbage, spinach, and lentils. If you want your soup to be thicker, you can slowly add cornstarch while stirring briskly about 10 minutes before serving.

Serve with some shredded cheese and a side of bread (cornbread would be good, we had garlic bread though).

Delicious!

**Ok, I have a change to the recipe since posting this. When it was time to add the cabbage and lentils, I realized that my carrots and potatoes were not anywhere near soft enough. I transferred everything to a big soup pot and boiled it for 10 or 15 minutes, then let it simmer for the next hour. In the future, I will probably give the carrots and potatoes a quick boil in a separate pot before adding them to the crockpot.
I did add cornstarch - probably 2 to 2 1/2 teaspoons. It made the broth thicker, just what I was in the mood for.

Simple Homemade Stocking Stuffer Idea

2009-10-09T19:01:00.003-05:00

At the risk of revealing some of my family members' Christmas gifts, I wanted to share a few crafts I am making this holiday season.

Today I'm going to show you how to make personalized picture magnets.

Materials you will need for picture magnets

Pictures resized down to the dimensions you want (and printed)

Lightweight wood (about 1/8" thick)

X-Acto knife (or something to cut your wood with)

Ruler

Cutting mat

Low grit sandpaper

Mod Podge

Foam brush

Adhesive-backed magnet roll

1) Select the pictures you would like to use and resize them. There are two ways you can do this: you can either cut your wood to fit the pictures, or you can resize your pictures to fit the wood.
a) If you want a variety of magnet sizes and more freedom in selecting your pictures, resize your pictures and cut the wood to fit. Pro: you can choose the pictures you want and crop them however you'd like. Con: This way takes more time (cutting the wood is time-consuming, and you will have to measure each piece individually).

b) If you want more uniformly sized magnets, decide on the dimensions of your magnets and resize your pictures to fit. Pro: this will save you time in the long run, because cutting wood to fit is a pain. Con: you may have to crop pictures strangely to fit your wood pieces.

Paint.net, a free program available to download online, is a good way to resize pictures. The pictures I used here range from one to two inches on each side.

2) Cut your wood. We have used different types of wood - lightweight Balsa wood sheets are too flimsy, we prefer a heavier wood. The magnets shown here used a sheet of wood that was about 1/8" thick. To cut the wood, we used an X-Acto knife, a ruler, and a self-healing cutting mat.

3) Sand your wood. We sanded each piece with a low grit sandpaper enough to smooth rough edges and corners.

4) Print and cut your pictures; make sure they will lay neatly on the wood pieces.

5) Adhere the pictures to the wood with Mod Podge and a small foam brush. Apply one layer, wait about thirty minutes for it to dry then add a second layer.
We used the gloss finish (rather than matte), so the magnets turned out shiny. Matte Mod Podge will give your magnets a more muted finish.

6) After your Mod Podge is dry, attach the magnets. We just used a roll of adhesive-backed magnets. Set something heavy on top of your magnets so they will firmly attach to the wood.

You can make your magnets even fancier by cutting the wood to allow for a border around your pictures. Decorate the border using things like scrapbook paper, glitter glue, stain, paint, rubber stamps, etc.

If you don't have time to be crafty, you can hire me to make your magnets. I will make you a set of 3 magnets on wood for $9, or on antique wooden dominoes for $12. I will give discounts for multiple sets. These are perfect for giving to family, friends, and kids as regular gifts or as stocking stuffers.

Enjoy!

Water Sprites

2009-10-07T23:20:00.000-05:00

I hosted a particularly messy co-op class today: "Design Your Own Wrapping Paper." I bought butcher paper and some powdered Tempera paint, then everyone used hands, feet, cookie cutters, cars, balls, and various natural objects to paint the paper on our driveway. The plan is to use the paper to wrap presents.

After the painting festivities, Kieran and his friend London (whose mama blogs here) decided that they needed a bath. Who were we to argue?! They had a blast, and we are definitely inviting Jessica and crew back again soon.

Toddlerese

2009-10-06T18:52:00.002-05:00

We’ve been signing with Kieran since he was just a few months old. I’d guess he can sign almost 150 words and recognizes many more than that. Quick tip for anyone who signs with their baby – don’t stop signing just because they start speaking. You may think your toddler is going to be a verbal genius because she can say “mama,” “papa,” “nana”*, and “uh-uh-uh-uh!”**, but you will likely have to wait months or even years before you are graced with things like consonant blends or prepositions.

Signing has been a learning experience for all three of us. Neither Tom nor I knew much about sign language before Kieran, but after reading a little about it we knew we wanted to try it out with him. I really can’t say enough about the benefits of signing. Kieran started signing well before he could say a recognizable word (aside from "mama"). His first sign was “more” when he was about 8 or 9 months old, and as soon as he realized that putting his fingertips together brought about a specific response from us, he said “more” about everything.

By 10 months Kieran had a handful of signs: “more,” “mama,” “papa,” “fish,” “motorcycle,” “hat,” “dog,” “light,” “book,” “hot” . . . We learned signs for anything he took an interest in. He loved pulling the string to turn the kitchen ceiling fan light on and off; we learned the sign for light, and within days he was signing “light” when he wanted to pull the string. At 11 months, he signed his first sentence: “more food.” We patted ourselves on the back for nurturing the next great linguist.

We are entirely convinced that signing has staved off more tantrums than we can count. We learned signs for things Kieran liked, as he liked them. “Cracker” was an early (and frequent) sign. “Mama’s milk,” “water,” “food,” “book, “music”; all these words represented parts of our daily rhythm, and Kieran could ask for whatever he wanted. As his world expanded, so did our signing repertoire.

Interested in signing but not sure where to start? Think about the major activities in your baby’s day: nursing, eating, singing, family, toys. We started with “mama,” “papa,” “mama’s milk,” “more,” and “book.” Once you learn a few, the rest will come much easier. Just keep expanding as your baby’s (or toddler’s) interests branch out. We learned many of our signs because of books that Kieran liked (animals in particular). As Kieran got older, we added action words (“swing,” “slide,” “walk,” “play”) and less ordinary words that we might not talk about every day (“store,” “fire”). And we didn't get any fancy programs to learn sign language, we just learned from the ASL site.

Now that he is working on his spoken language we rely on signing just as much, if not more. He really tries to say things, but he’s right in the middle of Toddlerese – that language unique to the three and under crowd that simultaneously warms your heart, makes you giggle, and frustrates the heck out of you. Because he’s learning things faster than he can make his vocal cords work, we are still introducing new signs. For example, he learned signs for the basic colors around 18 months (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, white), but he’s just now saying the same words with his mouth in a recognizable way. Without sign language, it would have taken much more pointing and frustration for us to figure out he understood colors.

I find myself continuously asking Kieran to sign something when I’m having problems understanding his words. Most of the time that clears everything up, but there are still many things we don’t have signs for. I thought it would be amusing to have you all "guess that Kieran word." If there’s any interest, I might make it a regular feature – Toddlerese Tuesdays or something fun like that.

So without further ado, here is the first installment:

Care to venture a guess? Here's a hint: it's one word, four syllables.

*That’s banana, but we all know the “ba” is optional.

**That’s dog. Ok, it’s the sound of a dog barking through the eyes and vocal cords of a 15 month old, but dang it we thought it was brilliant.

Our Perfect Son

2009-10-03T11:54:00.003-05:00

While Kieran hasn’t reached that stage where he has discovered the real joy that is his penis, he is well aware of its existence. He can also distinguish between “boyyyys” and “guuuuls” and is more than happy (at 21 months) to inform a complete stranger that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. He’s also entirely too young to care that I’m about to “out” him on the Internet:

Kieran is intact (aka "uncircumcised").

You might find it amusing to know that one of the main reasons Tom and I decided not to circumcise Kieran was for the benefit of his future sexual pleasure. That’s right. We actually had a discussion (before we even knew whether Kieran was a boyyyy or a guuul) about the fact that someday, our potential son would be saying a silent thank you to us (or maybe out loud, who knows what would happen in the moment) for allowing him the blessing of having the full range of penile sensation. (More on that below)

Another of our main reasons? The fact that circumcision just isn’t necessary under our system of beliefs. And I’ll tell you the secret of what tipped the scales for Tom (I was convinced as soon as I saw pictures/video of what actually happens in a circumcision): it was our last appointment with our midwife. We were sitting around chatting and I broached the subject: “Can we please talk a little bit about circumcision?” My midwife looked up in surprise before responding: “For two people who recognize the benefits of a natural, unmedicated birth, immediate and exclusive breastfeeding, and responding to your baby’s needs, I’m surprised that you’d even consider mutilating your new baby’s penis.” Tom got it.

I'd like to share some of the information I've found on circumcision. Too often, American parents are culturally pressured into cutting their sons, but they are not exposed to any of the facts that would likely lead them to make a different decision. 46% of new parents are not even provided circumcision information by a doctor! (1) I encourage you to share this post with your pregnant friends and family; the best decisions are informed ones.

There are at least four big arguments expounded by those in favor of circumcision. I'm going to address each one in turn, and I'll give you several more reasons that support leaving your sons intact. (I implore you to read this, even though it is a bit lengthy. If you are a parent, you should never make a body-altering decision for your child unless you are fully informed. If you are not a parent, you should be aware of the facts of the most widely performed and wholly unnecessary medical procedure that insurance companies (and, consequently, you) pay for. If you have time, you should also check out Penn & Teller's half hour episode on the subject: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. And one more from Penn here.)

Myth #1: Circumcision prevents disease.

Fact: Circumcision does not protect against getting or giving sexually transmitted diseases (STD's). Rather, the foreskin and its intact mucous membranes act as a barrier to infection. (2) There is also no link between an intact penis and cancer. (3)

Circumcision does not prevent disease:

Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence, doctors have been claiming for decades that circumcision prevents all kinds of diseases: from AIDS to tuberculosis, cancer to poor eyesight, epilepsy to mental retardation, and many more in varying degrees of incredulity. No other medical procedure has been credited with preventing such a wide variety of diseases. (4) In reality, circumcision began in the United States during the Victorian era. Its function? To punish boys for masturbating. Even into the 1970's, medical textbooks recommended that doctors perform "routine circumcision as a way to prevent masturbation." (5) Following are quotes by two American doctors:

A remedy for masturbation which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment. In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement. (6)

To obtain the best results one must cut away enough skin and mucous membrane to rather put it on the stretch when erections come later. There must be no play in the skin after the wound has thoroughly healed, but it must fit tightly over the penis, for should there be any play the patient will be found to readily resume his practice not begrudging the time and extra energy required to produce the orgasm. . . We may not be sure that we have done away with the possibility of masturbation, but we may feel confident that we have limited it to within the danger lines. (7)

As Americans grew more liberal in their attitude toward sex, cutting proponents needed more effective arguments than masturbation prevention to encourage circumcision. Hence the panic-inducing reports that intact men are more likely to get cancer and STD's - specifically, AIDS.

The myth that circumcision prevented cancer is credited to Abraham Ravich, a New York urologist who fought bitterly for compulsory circumcision. One of Ravich's most incredible lies (completely unsupported by any medical evidence) is that "foreskin caused cancer in whatever body part it came in contact with." He believed in a fantastical "smegma virus," which migrated from the foreskin to infect its owner and his sexual partners. (8)

More recently, several studies (sponsored, incidentally, by circumcision advocates) have been released linking circumcision to lowered HIV rates. (9) For purposes of these studies, doctors circumcised a group of African adult males. After a short observation period, the doctors concluded that circumcised males contracted HIV at a lower rate than the intact males. What you did not read in their reports, however, is that the newly circumcised males were required to remain abstinent after their foreskins were cut off; this fact, coupled with the early termination of the studies, lends itself to the conclusion that the studies were skewed in favor of the advocates' (predetermined) findings. If the studies continued in time, it is likely that there would be little to no difference in HIV rates between the two groups of men. It also went unreported that these same circumcision advocates had previously done observational studies (where they simply kept track of men who were already circ'd; they did not circ the men). The observational studies failed to show any clear protective effect of circumcision. (10)

The amount of virus present in the body (called the "viral load") "is the chief predictor of the risk of HIV transmission. . . . Male circumcision would not reduce viral loads[,]" so circumcision is an illogical means of reducing infection. Furthermore, "[t]he United States has the highest rate of HIV infection and the highest rate of male circumcision in the industrialized world. Male circumcision, therefore, cannot reasonably be thought to prevent HIV infection." (11)

Remaining intact is medically beneficial:

So if circumcision doesn't prevent disease, are there any medical benefits to keeping one's foreskin? Yes, yes, yes!

Protection: "Just as the eyelids protect the eyes, the foreskin protects the glans [the "head"] and keeps its surface soft, moist, and sensitive. It also maintains optimal warmth, pH balance, and cleanliness."
Immunological Defense: "Glands in the foreskin produce antibacterial and antiviral proteins . . . . Plasma cells in the foreskin's mucosal lining secrete immunoglobulins, antibodies that defend against infection."
Proper Circulation: "Circumcision interrupts the normal circulation of blood throughout the penile skin system and glans. . . . The blood flowing into major penile arteries is obstructed by the line of scar tissue at the point of incision, creating backflow instead of feeding the branches and capillary networks beyond the scar." This backflow may obstruct the flow of urine, which can necessitate corrective surgery.
"Circumcision harms the developing brain: . . . [C]ircumcision has long-lasting detrimental effects on the developing brain, adversely altering the brain's perception centers. Circumcised boys have a lower pain threshold than girls or intact boys." There is also evidence of "deeper and more disturbing levels of neurological damage . . . ."
The consequences of circumcision: One in 500 babies will experience surgical complications from circumcision. "These complications include uncontrollable bleeding[,] fatal infections[,]" gangrene, pathogenic bacteria which can lead to infections and death, and the tragic mistake of a completely amputated or cauterized penis. (12)
Circumcised penises are actually more prone to infection: The foreskin acts as a shield to the glans, protecting it from urine, feces, dirt, and bacteria (particularly during the diaper-wearing years). A circumcised male does not have this protection, so he will be more apt to get irritations and infections, including infections of the urinary tract. (13)

Moral of the disease-prevention myth? Please, please don't circumcise because you think it will make your child healthier. That simply isn't true: you would actually be harming him.

Myth #2: Circumcision is more sanitary and easier to take care of.

Fact: A natural penis requires no special care. In fact, a circumcised penis is actually less clean than an intact penis. (14)

Please continue to read this post at my new site. Here is the direct link: http://codenamemama.com/?p=24

Thank you for caring enough about your son's genital integrity to educate yourself!

Skip to My Loo

2009-10-01T20:00:00.003-05:00

Since I obviously have some readers who are concerned about their impact on the environment (the winner of the free Diva Cup will be announced at the end of this post, by the way), today’s post is a public service announcement on one more way you can save a few hundred pounds of paper from landfills, conserve water, and reduce pollution in our environment.

Ready for it?

Stop using toilet paper.

No, I’m not advocating for a return to corncobs (ouch – whose idea was that?!), but I would like you to at least consider an alternative to the fluffy, bleached stuff. Let’s take a quick look at that squeezable king of the one-time-use products.

Coming Out of the Water Closet (A Brief History of TP)

Toilet paper isn’t new. As early as the 6th century AD, people in medieval China used actual paper to clean their nether regions. In 589 AD, one Chinese scholar wrote that he refused to use any page with “quotations or commentaries from [the] 'Five Classics' . . . .” (1) (If I’m ever forced to use books in the bathroom for more than reading, I can think of a few authors that I wouldn’t mind sacrificing.)

Later Chinese dynasties worked on the art of toilet paper manufacture to produce softer plies, some of which were even perfumed. Other cultures have used wool, lace, wood shavings, leaves, seashells, sponges, or their hands. (2)

By the late 1800’s flush toilets were becoming the standard, so some of the more natural wiping tools did not work with the new indoor plumbing (corncobs tend to get stuck in the pipes no matter how many times you flush). (3) Hence, modern toilet paper was introduced in the United States in 1857 with the tagline “The greatest necessity of the age! Gayetty’s medicated paper for the water-closet.” (4)

Just like feminine products, toilet paper was not considered a topic for polite conversation. One of Gayetty’s competitors, the Scott Paper Company, “was once so embarrassed that it was manufacturing toilet paper that it wouldn’t put its label on the product.” (5) Another company tried to profit on the taboo nature of toilet paper. Their 1930’s advertisements read: “Ask for a roll of Hakle and you won’t have to say toilet paper!” (6)

Eventually, Americans grew to love toilet paper in all of its fluffy glory. We loved it so much that when Johnny Carson “joked about a toilet paper shortage in [a December 1973] opening monologue[,]” frantic viewers took him seriously and bought as much as they could, causing a national shortage. And companies were no longer afraid to stamp their name on toilet paper. Advertising became so rampant that a 1978 “TV Guide poll named Mr. Whipple -- the affable grocer who implored customers, ‘Please don't squeeze the Charmin’ -- the third best-known man in America, behind former President Richard Nixon and the Rev. Billy Graham.” (7)

Those advertising dollars have paid off. As a country, we spend more than $6 billion dollars on toilet paper every year. And what does that dollar amount translate to in waste? How about 15,202,986,200 pounds*: today, the average American uses over 50 pounds of toilet paper each year. (*That’s my calculation. The current U.S. population is 304,059,724; I just multiplied that by 50 to get an approximate total number of pounds per year for everyone.) (8)

The Ecological Disaster

“‘No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper,’ said Dr. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist and waste expert with the Natural Resource Defense Council.” (9) I agree. America (and, therefore, Charmin et al.) does not. Millions of trees – including old growth forests in Canada – are harvested each year to keep the U.S. stocked up. And while manufacturers could make toilet paper from recycled materials at a similar cost, consumers demand a softer ply which can only be obtained from standing trees. (10)

One website calculated that we cut down 7,026,856 trees per year to produce toilet paper for the United States. (11) You may be surprised to discover that trees aren’t the real environmental concern, though. Because we have managed timberlands, we replace as many trees (or more) as are cut down. The real issue is two-fold: 1) the amount of paper waste in our landfills; and 2) the effects of dioxin, which is a bleaching by-product produced throughout the manufacturing process. (12)

1) Our crowded landfills: The average American uses approximately 700 pounds of paper products every year, most of which will end up in landfills. If every person in the U.S. traded one regular roll of toilet paper for a recycled roll, we could save 1.2 million cubic feet of landfill space (as well as 470,000 trees and 169 million gallons of water). (13)

2) Dioxin “is one of the most toxic human-made chemicals.” It is made during manufacturing when the pulp is bleached (it is bleached so our toilet paper is white). And once it is released into the environment, it is there for good (until it gets into our food supply, of course), because natural bacteria cannot break it down. (14) Dioxin was the primary toxic substance in Agent Orange, and it has been linked to cancer, reproductive and developmental problems, birth defects, diabetes, immune system suppression, fertility problems, and more. (15)

Using unbleached (or “chlorine free”) recycled paper (toilet paper, coffee filters, napkins, etc.) would greatly decrease the amount of this dangerous chemical building up in our bodies. (On a side note, I was shocked to read that “[i]n just six months of breast feeding, a baby in the United States will, on average, consume the EPA’s maximum lifetime dose of dioxin . . . .” Disgusting!) (16)

Lose the Rolls

So back to my original suggestion: Stop using toilet paper. Or at least stop using the super soft, bleached toilet paper. The effects of switching to a toilet paper alternative are dramatic: “If every household replaced just a single twelve-roll pack of regular bathroom tissue with a recycled variety, it would save almost five million trees and enough paper waste to fill seventeen thousand garbage trucks.” (17)

But even better, just think about the difference your family could make by switching to cloth! We’ve been using cloth wipes for over a year. I’ve also made some cloth wipes to sell – I’d love for some of you to be my very first customers.

Toilet paper has been around long enough to have many nicknames: “‘loo roll/paper,’ ‘toilet roll,’ ‘dunny roll/paper,’ ‘bathroom/toilet tissue, ‘TP’ or just ‘tissue.’” (18)

I’d like to help make cloth wipes mainstream enough to enjoy their own nicknames. My sister and her boyfriend fondly refers to hers as “pee pads" (credit to Darin for coming up with that particular alliteration). Most cloth wipe makers call them “family cloth.” Personally I like to call the ones I make “Tee Pee,” because they are two sided – one side is made of soft, snuggly flannel, the other side of 100% cotton recycled t-shirts (hence the “tee”), and they are made with your pee in mind. Well, maybe not *yours* specifically, but pee in general. Poo, too, if you’re brave (and are already doing a load of diaper laundry anyway).

Speaking of laundry, you can just throw your Tee Pee in with your regular wash. Think of it this way – have you ever laughed so hard that you peed yourself? Come on, admit it. Yeah. Did you throw out your undies? No, you laundered them without a second thought. These shouldn’t give you pause either – just toss them in the laundry basket. And as for the practical question of where to put them after use but before laundry day, I have a washable bag hanging on my bathroom door – I throw them in there and then grab it on my way to the washing machine. Easy peasy.

Here are a few pictures of some of the wipes I have available for sale. Let me know if you’re interested in getting some. They are .75 per wipe or 5 for $3.50. They will more than pay for themselves since you will not be buying over 50 pounds of toilet paper for each person in your house every year.

They are also super handy to use as baby wipes (I can also make & sell you some wonderful wipe solution, if you're interested). I can even get cutesy flannel for those of you who want to coordinate with your bathroom or your baby decor. :)

DIVA WINNER!

I’d like to thank everyone one more time for reading my post on feminine products. I know that time is a precious commodity, and I’m honored that you chose to spend a few minutes with me. Like I said before, I wish every one of you could win a free Diva Cup, but they’re only giving one away. And because I am unable to commit to one winner, many thanks to Brookie-Lee from Happybottomus who was impartial enough to select one lucky lady.

Be sure to head over to www.happybottomus.com – everyone who commented will get 10% off of non-diaper items and 5% off of diaper items. Brookie-Lee carries Diva Cups, cloth pads/panty liners/nursing pads (I got mine there at an incredibly reasonable price!), and more.

Drum roll for our winner . . . MEGHANMONGEON will receive a free Diva Cup!

Here is what Brookie-Lee said about her choice:

I have found through the last several years that the best way to help parents to improve their health, their child’s health, and keep the environment healthy is through education. People just don’t know about a lot of things. They don’t realize how their waste is impacting the earth, they don’t realize that the chemicals in disposables are dangerous, they don’t realize there are better options that will save them time and money. I used a diva cup for the first time for a few cycles between my second and third child. And when my menses returns I will use it again. I love it and as many have stated it’s like I don’t have a period. This product is not only a waste free option, it is the healthiest alternative(along with cloth pads) to tampons and conventional pads. And the most comfortable option for mom in my opinion. So in reading through the different responses to Dionna’s blog, meghanmongeon's post really stuck out to me. Not only does she sound like a mama that could benefit from the gift of a Diva Cup but her passion for education and her access to new mamas is exciting for the natural movement. Hopefully more people will learn about healthy and eco-friendly products like the Diva Cup and these products will become mainstream someday. But for the time being the more families that can be reached, the healthier our fellow man. Congratulations meghanmoneon! And please spread the Diva Cup love!

I also loved the post from Aravinda, “The cup is the eco-feminist solution of the century!” I may have to put that on a sign in my store. :D

Brookie-Lee Glaser

Mother of 3

Owner of Happybottomus

MEGHANMONGEON - I know you through MDC, right? Send me a PM so I can get your info to ship you the Diva Cup!

(1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper ("Wikipedia")

(2) Wikipedia

(3) http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/07/07/mf.toilet.paper.history/index.html ("CNN")

(4) Wikipedia

(5) http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=93597&page=1

(6) CNN

(7) CNN

(8) CNN

(9) http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/26/science/earth/26charmin.html ("NY Times")

(10) NY Times

(11) http://www.greenlivingtips.com/articles/7/1/Toilet-paper-and-the-environment.html

(12) http://encyclopedia.toiletpaperworld.com/toilet-paper-history/toilet-paper-and-the-environment ("Toilet Paper World")

(13) Toilet Paper World

(14) Toilet Paper World

(15) http://www.ejnet.org/dioxin/

(16) http://www.all-creatures.org/cb/a-dioxin.html

(17) Rogers, Elizabeth & Kostigen, Thomas M., "The Green Book" at 66 (2007)

(18) Wikipedia

Teensy Meansy Halloweensy

2009-09-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

Just in time for Halloween, here are a few new designs I have finished. Select one (or more!) and I will hand embroider it on a shirt that you select (see full description below). I still have the uber-cute red monster design for sale too.

Charming Little Black Cats

Funky Orange Aliens

Simply Frightful Navy Blue Bunnies

Ravenous Red Monsters

Teensy Meansy Onesies/Shirts - $15.00 (+ shipping if applicable)

*$5.00 discount if you buy more than one item!

It’s true that only a mother could love some of the Teensy Meansy faces that grace our onesies or t-shirts, but we think they are so scary they’re cute! I will hand-embroider the face onto a onesie or t-shirt (please specify a size and style).

Teensy Meansy faces are handmade from two layers of recycled t-shirts (machine sewn – turned and top-stitched) and felt. I fuse and then hand-embroider the eyes and mouth on, and then do the same thing when attaching the face to the shirt. (At your request, I can finish it off by putting interfacing on the back).

You may consider laundering your Teensy Meansy garment in a lingerie bag and/or washing it on a more delicate cycle. While I construct the faces so that they are sure to stay put, a little caution can’t hurt. Each recycled t-shirt is pre-washed, checked for holes/stains/tears, and ships to you from our cat/fish friendly and smoke-free home.

Onesies and t-shirts are brand new and made of 100% cotton. I prewash and dry them before attaching the faces, so they may have shrunk from their original size.

*Please select a onesie or t-shirt and specify long or short sleeve. At this time, I am offering white Gerber brand long or short sleeve onesies/t-shirts or Hanes short sleeve t-shirts. I would not recommend sizes under 12 months or over a youth small. I would be happy to use a shirt that you ship me (you pay shipping) – I will even give you a $3.00 discount on the price.

Banana Nut Muffins

2009-09-27T18:21:00.001-05:00

I love banana nut bread, but when I make it in a loaf pan, I can never get it to cook through correctly. Either the outside is too done, or the middle isn't done enough. I decided to give it a try in muffin form, and I also changed my mom's tried and true recipe to make it healthier. Below is my modified version; these measurements make a double batch (it made 4 dozen regular muffins and 2 dozen mini muffins). I rarely bake anything in a single batch, it's so much easier to make more and feed the freezer.

I will probably try them next time without the muffin cups - they really stick to the paper. If anyone has tips on how to avoid that, please share them! I will also try them next time with a cup of honey and no brown sugar. Finally, no mini-muffins next time; the big ones are SO much better.

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup raw honey

2 Tbsp butter (softened)

8 bananas (mashed)

1 cup milk

6 cups flour (half wheat, half unbleached white)

7 tsp baking powder

1-2 tsp cinnamon

4 Tbsp flaxseed meal

1 1/2 tsp salt

Nuts (I used about 1 3/4 cups chopped pecans)

Dried cranberries (I probably used about 1 3/4 - 2 cups)

Mix together brown sugar, honey, and butter. Add bananas and milk (I mixed the bananas in with an electric hand mixer). Slowly add the dry mixture, stirring it in by hand. Add nuts and berries. I gave everything a good mix with the electric hand mixer before putting it in the muffin cups (fill about 2/3 – 3/4 full). Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes, or until toothpick comes out clean.

My taste tester approves.

Have a banana nutty day,

It was THIS big!

2009-09-25T11:59:00.000-05:00

Some of the ideas Kieran comes up with just amaze me. We have a book that we read daily called "My Grandma and Me." In said book, the grandma takes the grandchild fishing (the text reads: "we like to go fishing without any hooks"). At one point months ago, I casually mentioned that Auntie Shawna (or "YaYa," as Kieran calls her) loves to go fishing.

Two weeks ago, we were playing at a park with a fishing pond. We happened to be on the dock when a little boy and his parents caught a fish. Kieran didn't seem terribly interested, but that night he started grabbing at the page about fishing and saying "YaYa!" while doing the sign for fish. This happened every time we read the book. I would ask him "do you want to go fishing?", and he would practically scream "Yeah! YaYa!", while frantically signing fish.

It got to the point where I hid the book, he was so upset about wanting to fish. It was a classic fixation.

Finally, I broke down and begged Shawna to come fish with us. She fishes all the time, and we already had an understanding that she would be taking Kieran on his first fishing expedition - we just didn't know it would be this soon.

Shawna showed up yesterday with a kid-sized fishing pole. Kieran was fascinated. We drove to the pond and Kieran made a beeline for the dock.

Within minutes of Shawna and Kieran putting the hook in the water, they had their first bite. Whatever was on the line was pulling so hard, I started getting worried that we'd find a turtle.

When we got our first glimpse of what was at the end of the line, Shawna and I squealed so loudly that we drew an audience.

Kieran's first catch was a catfish - and he was a big'un! Probably two pounds or so. We had to walk the line around the dock so Shawna could climb down into the weeds to pull him out of the water. Kieran was not quite as excited. He was pretty hesitant to touch his first fish, but he did manage to swipe a quick finger down the catfish's soft, slimy side.

In the thirty minutes we were there, Kieran caught 6 or 7 fish: one catfish and the rest bluegill. He loved putting the bobber in the water, he was a little reluctant to pull a fish back out.

It was an awesome first experience fishing for him! Of course the first time he ever goes to a different lake, he'll wonder why the fish aren't biting every five minutes. ;)

My Response to Your Comments on Simply Divine

2009-09-24T17:04:00.002-05:00

My response was so long that I got cut off when trying to post it as a comment, so I'll just make a new entry.

I have good news - I found someone who will act as judge for the contest. Brookie-Lee runs a wonderful store called Happybottomus. Happybottomus is a green baby store that carries Earth-friendly mama and baby products, including the Diva Cup!

Brookie-Lee is going to give a special discount to anyone who comments on the Simply Divine post: you will receive 10% off of any non-diaper item and 5% off of any diaper item. Be sure to let the salesperson know before you ring up (or include a note in your order if you're buying something online).

Also, please be sure to check back to see if you won - unless I know you personally or you commented using a profile that linked to your own blog, I won't have any way to reach you.

______________________________________

And now my comments to you (to be updated if/when more people comment on the original post):

Wow! I am so honored by all of your responses. I wish we could give a Diva Cup to every one of you! I do hope that of the ladies who don't get a free one, you will still try to scrounge up the pennies to order one of your own. You should get your savings back in 2 months, 3 months tops.

Sara - I know that feeling! The great thing about a menstrual cup is that you can put it in *before* you start your period!! It rocks.

Jill - thank you for giving me some footnote love. I had to restrain myself from "bluebook'ing" my article.

Allison - free is wonderful, but think of how much more invested you'll be in the cup if you have to buy it ;)

Emily - of everyone who reads this, *you* are the person I would most expect to get on the bandwagon ;)

Jessica - I *hate* pads! Hate them. They are so itchy and uncomfortable!

Mae - you were the one who finally inspired me enough to write the post! I remember you pre- and post- Diva Cup, I wanted to help others see the light :)

Angie - I am so glad that I will have an impartial 3rd party judging comments. I cannot be forced to choose from all of you guys!!

Lindsay - Instead cups are definitely better for the environment than tampons, but since they are disposable, you do run into some of the same problems (albeit less so than the alternatives). I hope you can try a Diva Cup (or some other brand of menstrual cup), I bet you'd be pleased.

Tammy - I love you. I'm so happy that you're willing to embrace my weirdness (menstrual cups, pee pads, natural birth with all of its accoutrements, etc.) ;)

Michelle - sizing is really easy! http://www.divacup.com/en/home/sizing/

Mandy - well what the heck are you waiting for? ;)

Aravinda - I think that needs to be Diva Cup's new tagline!

Tonia - the thought of a teenage you listening in shock and horror to your grandma explaining how to use a sanitary belt made me giggle. I'm sorry.

Meghanmongeon - it's so sad to hear stories from women who were not helped to celebrate such a monumental milestone as their first period. Mine wasn't "celebrated," per se, but my mother didn't make me feel ashamed or anything. It just wasn't a big deal. If I ever have a daughter, I am going to plan something elaborate :)

bishoujosempai - I was really surprised at the numbers too. One site that I didn't end up including in the article said that women use over 300 POUNDS of tampons over their lifetime. Yikes, dude.

Stacey - thank you so much for giving one away! Feel free to cut me a check out of your advertising budget too (wink wink! I am *totally* kidding!)

J's Curious Alley - your comment made me choke on my grape, I snorted so hard. The Diva Cup should solve your problem though, I have definitely never wanted to eat mine.

none - Hmmm, I don't have an IUD, so I didn't know that!

Cari - you need to take a break, lady! And I can sympathize with wanting to live a more Earth-conscious lifestyle but not always being able to afford it. By the way, that is one thing I really love about "The Green Book" I cited to - it gives concrete examples of how your small changes can make a big impact. I will be quoting that book in future posts.

broomgrass – I so remember the bulky pads of my teenage years. I was mortified people could see the outlines through my pants!

maileachan – thank you for stopping by!

Monica – I know, the numbers were shocking. Did you see above where I mentioned that women use over 300 POUNDS of tampons over their lifetime?! Ridiculous.

KailaE – thank you :) I’m really pleased that it was educational and fun! That’s exactly what I was going for!!

Jenny Z – obviously, we are sister nerds ;)

AndreiaRFPS – on one of the sites I read while researching this article, it said that some European women didn’t wear any protection 100 years ago – think of the days of the big hoop skirt dresses. It said it would have been difficult to use the bathroom in those things, much less change a tampon or pad. Hmm, I think I would have gone to the trouble. It would have been easier than washing stained clothing!

Heather – what a fascinating connection to the Y2K scare, I’d love to know how this topic came up in that context!

LillyRose – you’d probably be best served by researching the different fits of the menstrual cups, since you are worried about comfort. These sites might be helpful: http://menstrualcups.wordpress.com/

http://community.livejournal.com/menstrual_cups/tag/brand+comparisons

I think the Diva Cup is comfortable, but I never had any problem with how tampons fit (I just didn't like the dry feeling or the pain when taking them out).

tepym3 – thank you so much for commenting! Many many hugs and congrats for being good to your body. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older (and had a miracle baby of my own) is how important it is for women to cherish the intricacies of our bodies and souls just the way we are. My hippie mama friends and I have discussed that one several times :)

heffervescent - thank you for stopping by! I'm in the old-fashioned "there's got to be something beneficial about having periods" camp ;) I also don't like injecting synthetic hormones into my body. So even though the experts seem to think it's no more harmful than taking regular birth control, I won't be doing either. Many wishes for you to have a safe and informed reproductive path (or not reproductive, for now, as the case may be). :)

Rebecca - how awesome that it's mainstream enough to grace the shelves of Walgreens!

Erica - I would love to hear more about Asia. This would be handy while traveling!

Ginny - if you don't win, be sure to check out Happybottomus's website (linked at the top of this post). They sell Diva cups :)

info - thank you :)

Cheryl - it's your body, don't be ick'd out! Be fascinated ;)

rakshasi - thanks for adding your own experience.

none - I wear a (resusable) liner too, I'd rather be safe than sorry. I totally agree with the ick factor of used tampons/pads - very good point! And I told my sister (who is ordering a Diva Cup) to be sure to trim the stem. That thing was horribly uncomfortable.

Funky Little Earthchild - thank you! And I'm sure the Diva Cup pays for itself faster if you're already using Earth-friendly products. They are pricey!

Naomi - SO much better than pads. No contest!

Simply Divine

2009-09-24T06:46:00.007-05:00

My sister's boyfriend groans inwardly every time my sister and I get together, because we inevitably start talking about something related to the female body. We really can't help it, it's all so fascinating! Tom, on the other hand, has either become so accustomed to it that he's no longer affected, or he's now able to tune me out at the mere mention of certain words. It's probably a combination of the two. At any rate, I'll lose both of them with the next sentence:

Today's post is about menses. (I'll wait while several of the male persuasion consult Merriam and Webster about that one.)

Now that we're alone, ladies, let's talk about our periods. (And if you stick with me to the end of this long post, there's a potential reward!) More specifically, let's discuss the subject of tampons, pads, and one of their alternatives, the menstrual cup. Tom gave me “the look” when I told him I was going to blog about my Diva Cup. But why not? I haven’t seen any widespread marketing campaigns for tampon/pad alternatives, nor is menstruation a subject that most women discuss over lunch, or coffee, or a rum and coke. Or, ever, really.

That menstruation is taboo is not a new phenomenon, it has been this way for generations. In fact, while there is evidence that women have been using homemade pads and tampons as early as the ancient Egyptians in the fifteenth century B.C., the first commercial pad wasn’t manufactured until almost the twentieth century. (1) This first pad (a.k.a. the “sanitary napkin”) failed, because the makers couldn’t advertise it – such a topic was “improper.” (2) Even when Kotex came on the market around 1920, “[m]arketing these products was difficult because of society's squeamishness.” (3) The company that made Kotex was so worried that the pad would ruin its image, it created a separate company to sell only pads. “Stores wouldn't carry [Kotex], magazines wouldn't advertise it, and sales unsurprisingly weren't so hot[,]” until Montgomery Ward took a chance on it in a 1925 catalog. With the blessing of the retail giant, and with the “marketing innovation” that allowed women to buy a box of Kotex without having to ask a male store clerk to get it from behind the counter, the mass produced pad became mainstream. (4)

Early sanitary napkins were awkward things. (5) Women wore a belt that buckled around their waist and threaded a pocket between their legs. The pocket could be stuffed with whatever they chose – cotton, cheesecloth, etc.; almost all were washable and reusable. Women weren’t free of belts until the 1970s, when pads finally featured adhesive backings.

Tampons were available commercially (sans applicators) as early as the late 1920s; the first tampon with a plastic applicator appeared in the 1930s. (6) Surprisingly enough, menstrual cups aren’t new either – the first patents appeared in the 1930s. (7) The first cups were made of rubber; today most are “manufactured from silicone because of its hypoallergenic properties.” (8)

And while the market was slowly catching on to the convenience of more modern feminine products, the guys in charge were still reluctant to acknowledge the products' existence. They were so reluctant that the National Association of Broadcasters banned advertising of sanitary napkins, tampons, and douches until 1972. (9) Today, we are more accustomed to advertisements for feminine products. Unfortunately, we still don’t like to talk about them or our periods.

Menstruation is a big part of a woman’s life. The average woman can have 350 to 450 menstrual periods in her lifetime. (10) Wow! That many periods means we go through a lot of tampons and/or pads. One site estimates that a woman uses almost 17,000 tampons throughout her lifetime. (11)

17,000 tampons. And if you are anything like I used to be, you might wear a tampon and a panty liner, just in case. Let’s stop and ponder the environmental impact of the millions of used tampons and pads floating around our Earth.

One waste consultant estimated “that 6.5 billion tampons and 13.5 billion sanitary pads, plus their packaging, ended up in landfills or sewer systems in 1998. And according to the Center for Marine Conservation, over 170,000 tampon applicators were collected along U.S. coastal areas between 1998 and 1999.” (12) Setting aside the issue of the toxic waste we create by disposing of our sanitary products, consider the environmental impact of the continuous production of disposable products – both the product and the packaging. Not only is there the pollution of the manufacturing process, but there is also the not-so-small matter of the toxins introduced into cotton during the growing process. “No less than 170 insecticides are registered for use on cotton crops[!]” (13) One author predicts that if only one in twenty women chose to switch "to organic tampons, we could eliminate 750,000 pounds of pesticides annually." (14)

In the US, it’s estimated that conventional cotton farms apply about one-third of a pound of chemical fertilizers and pesticides for every pound of cotton harvested. The various chemicals used to treat conventional cotton can harm beneficial insects and soil micro-organisms, pollute ground and surface water, and adversely affect the health of humans and wildlife alike—including fish, birds, and livestock.

Almost half of the chemicals sprayed on global cotton crops annually—an estimated $2 billion worth—are classified as hazardous by the World Health Organization (WHO). Pesticide residues remain in tampons in the form of dioxins and other potentially harmful chemicals. The vaginal walls are made of the most absorbent tissues in the body, so these chemicals are absorbed directly into the blood stream. (15)

That brings me to my second point: the potential health concerns over using disposable feminine products. Aside from the toxins present due to the growing process, tampons can also contain absorbency enhancers, deodorants/fragrances, and chlorine compounds that are used to bleach the cotton. (16) Some of these substances may be carcinogens; others may “cause irritation, allergic reactions and may upset the vagina’s natural microbial balance.” (17)

Tampons also contain rayon, which is a manmade fiber composed of tiny strands of plastic. These fibers may cause “microtears of the vaginal wall when a tampon is inserted or removed, possibly leaving the vagina more susceptible to infection.” (18) And as we all likely know, both tampons and pads can increase your chance of developing a bacterial infection. (19)

As for the menstrual cup?

They are safe. There are no known health related risks to using a cup. (20) They are environmentally friendly: they can last for years, there is nothing to throw away, and they are not disposable (in the sense that tampons and pads are), so the manufacturing process does not have as negative of an impact.

They are cost effective. If you are concerned about your wallet, consider the cost: an average woman will spend approximately $10 each month on disposable feminine products. (21) You can get a menstrual cup for a one-time investment of $20-$30, and it should last you at least a year; some claim that their cups last up to ten years. Let’s say you spend $30 on a menstrual cup that you use for five years – that equals a savings to you of $570 (if you had spent $10/month in the same amount of time). Awesome!

They are comfortable. I’ve used mine for four cycles now, and I don’t notice its presence once I’ve inserted it correctly. (Insertion, by the way, has been my biggest complaint. It is a skill that you perfect over time, but it’s not really complicated.) One complaint many women have about tampons is that they cause overdryness. “More than a quarter of the fluids absorbed by a tampon are, in fact, natural and necessary vaginal secretions.” (22) Because menstrual cups collect, rather than absorb, fluid, you should not experience the feeling of dryness caused by tampons.

They are easy and clean. Menstrual cups hold more fluid than a highly absorbent tampon, so you need to “change” them much less often (normally two to four times on even your heaviest day). All you do when it’s time to change it is (carefully) pop it out, empty the cup into the toilet, give it a rinse (not necessary, but I always do), and reinsert. In between cycles, you should sterilize the cup by boiling it. And because of the secure seal they form, they are more effective than tampons or pads, plus they are perfectly safe for any activity – no leaks. For the record, I also use a thin cloth panty liner, just in case.

There are many menstrual cups to choose from. I use the Diva Cup; the other popular brand in the U.S. is The Keeper, and this Wikipedia page lists several other manufacturers.

______________________________

I have been so excited to share all of this with you, and if you’ve made it with me this far, (thank you!) there is a possible reward. The makers of Diva Cup are super cool, and they’ve agreed to sponsor a contest. Leave your comment about why you would like to try a Diva Cup. It can be serious, funny, clever, informative, or a straight plea for Diva Cup mercy.
I (and probably an impartial third party) will choose the best comment, and that person will receive a Diva Cup absolutely free! The winner will be chosen on October 1st, so please submit your comment no later than midnight on September 30.
I look forward to reading everyone’s comments. Also, be sure to tune in for an upcoming post on another hush hush topic . . . toilet paper!!

***Be sure to check back on October 1st to see if you are the winner. I'll need to figure out how to contact you so Diva Cup can send you the correct size cup!***

(1) http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2252/who-invented-tampons ("The Straight Dope") (quoting Freidman, Nancy, Everything You Must Know About Tampons (1981))
(2) The Straight Dope (citing Delaney, Janice, Lupton, Mary Jane & Toth, Emily, The Curse: A Cultural History of Menstruation (2d ed. 1988))
(3) The Straight Dope (citing Delaney, et al.)
(4) The Straight Dope (quoting Heinrich, Thomas & Batchelor, Bob, Kotex, Kleenex, Huggies: Kimberly-Clark And The Consumer Revolution In American Business (Historical Perspective on Business Enterprise) (2004))
(5) http://mum.org/belts.htm,http://www.mum.org/belt1908.htm
(6) The Straight Dope
(7) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup#History ("Wikipedia")
(8) Wikipedia
(9) The Straight Dope
(10) http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm?aid=1879
(11) http://www.emagazine.com/view/?510 ("E Magazine")
(12) E Magazine
(13) http://www.fresh-moon.com/part-environmental-cost-menstrual-pads-tampons-a-22.html
(14) Rogers, Elizabeth & Kostigen, Thomas M., "The Green Book" at 105 (2007)
(15) http://www.greenyour.com/body/personal-care/feminine-hygiene/tips/choose-organic-tampons-or-organic-pads ("Green Living") (citing http://www.sustainablecotton.org/html/who_we_are.html)
(16) http://www.miacup.co.za/eng/why_features.php ("Miacup")
(17) Miacup (citing Armstrong, Liz & Adrienne Scott, "Stop the WhiteWash" (1992), Toronto: The Weed Foundation)
(18) Miacup
(19) Miacup (citing Wroblewski, Sandra Sieler, "Toxic Shock Syndrome" (January 1981), The American Journal of Nursing, vol. 81 (1), pp. 82-85; Neff, Melissa G., "Acute Female Cystitis", US Pharmacist, vol 26 (9))
(20) Wikipedia
(21) http://www.comfyclothpads.com/
(22) Miacup (citing R. Levin et al., "Absorption of menstrual discharge by tampons inserted during menstruation: quantitative assessment of blood and total fluid content" (July 1986), BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, vol. 93 (7), pp. 765–772)

Snozzberries

2009-09-23T20:55:00.000-05:00

Kieran never ceases to amaze me. We really don't actively "teach" him much of anything , but he seems to pick it all up (we have actively taught him signs, but now that he's talking we don't focus on new signs like we should).

Tonight he showed me that he could count to 10 all by himself. He can also get most of the way through the alphabet. I'm guessing that he learned to count by playing hide and seek (we count very loudly so he can hear us), and I'm sure he learned the alphabet because we sing it while brushing his teeth.

Of course immediately after he counted to ten, he leaned over and licked the flocked wallpaper in our dining room.

Who ever heard of a snozzberry?

Smile!

2009-09-20T15:47:00.000-05:00

Today's post is merely to share a few things that have made me smile today.

My sister's boyfriend, Darin, stayed with us last night. He and Tammy are almost as crazy about Kieran as Tom and I are, and we were very excited that he was coming over to visit. We celebrated by taking Kieran to his first miniature golf game, where we got this picture:

Today before Darin left for home (loaded down with leftover pork loin, mashed potatoes, cherry tomatoes from the vine, frozen homemade pancakes, frozen homemade chicken/green chile burritos, and some special things to tuck into Tia Tammy's care package), he and Kieran went out back to play. I got this shot of them blowing bubbles together:

Also, Darin can no longer say that Kieran learned his cheesy smile face from me, as evidenced by this picture:

And finally: Nikki shared a poem today that really made me smile, so I'm passing it along:

God Says Yes to Me

Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

I hope you've had your own smiles today, too.

My Response to Your Comments on Spanking

2009-09-19T11:06:00.000-05:00

Thanks for your comments!! I started to reply with a comment of my own, but it got so long I decided to make it a post instead.

Goodson Family - it is hard to be gentle sometimes. I have recently read about half of Naomi Aldort's book "Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves" and try to keep in mind the simple fact that a lot of my hang-ups and frustrations stem from my own background; they are not Kieran's fault. I'm really trying to practice taking a few deep breaths, stepping back, and letting whatever harsh words I was *going* to say run through my head before responding more gently.

Mindful Life - I love the story about Sofi and Walter. You are doing such a great job mama :)

Mandy - you may not know this, but you've been my inspiration/role model for much of my gentle discipline path. I love watching the way you interact with your kids - it's so obvious how much you love and respect them.

Jill - I do feel spanking is a pretty lazy way out. It takes a heck of a lot more patience and strength to parent gently than it does to be the authoritarian/control figure.

Lilly Rose - isn't it awesome that your girls will someday be the "Brandon" (the one who is "better behaved" ;))?! It could be so easy to see "discipline problems" in the short term and use spanking as a quick fix behavior control, but it's the long term/end result we should all be concerned about.

Abby - thank you :) You are amazing with your daughter!!

Mom - I do think that Grandpa's generation was different in that he might have been more in control of himself, but obviously I don't think spanking is an effective form of discipline regardless. I also think it's really helpful to remember that we can't undo what's been done - we have to remember that our actions leave lasting impressions. Every generation should learn from the previous one, I'm glad that I had you as a teacher.

Rebecca - re: the friends who do different things. I'm working really hard to be in a place where I acknowledge parenting practices that are different from my own as ok for those families (in other words, I'm trying not to be judgmental of different parenting methods). Of course I'd love for everyone to research their parenting philosophies and really use the best things for their families. Spanking, however, is one thing that is not "live and let live" for me. It's abuse, no matter how you look at it. I can't imagine that any decent person could give me valid arguments in favor of spanking. People can argue why they vaccinate according to the CDC schedule, why they use time outs or behavior charts or rewards, why they don't have time or energy to use cloth diapers, etc. But spanking? Whole different ballgame.

And Amelia is such a sweet girl. What an awesome story :)

______________________________________________________________

One more aside, then I'll put the topic to rest for today.

Tammy and I were chatting about this the other day and she said that she hated the "parental right" justification. She said, "well then, does that mean there is a spousal right? Can I beat my spouse because we are married?" I replied, "funny you should mention that, because there used to be a law that allowed a man to beat his wife, simply because they were married." So why is it still ok to beat your children? It's the same thing.

Poor Jack-jow

2009-09-18T13:37:00.002-05:00

We are entering the hitting phase. It started a month or so ago, and I cannot wait for it to be over. I've searched several places for help, only to come to the conclusion that hitting seems to be a fairly common part of toddlerhood. I noticed during my reading on the subject, though, that while hitting is a typical phase, the main difference is in how parents react to it.

We are a non-violent family. We do not believe in striking/spanking a child for any reason, just as we wouldn't hit another adult. The studies that have been done on physical punishment are overwhelming in their conclusions that spanking does not work. A blogger I respect compiled a great list of resources on why spanking doesn't work, I'm going to share some of those links along with our reasons for using gentle discipline here, too.

1) It has a detrimental effect on the parent-child relationship. Imagine it from the child's perspective - "mama and/or papa, the most important person in my universe, the one who kisses my booboos, tucks me in, feeds me, bathes me, etc. also chooses to hurt me." It erodes the trust that should be ever present in the parent-child relationship, and gives children lasting memories of pain and heart break. Spanking isn't something that just stays in childhood - both the effects and the memories are forever imprinted on a child's heart and mind.

2) As detailed on this site, spanking can have long lasting effects on a child's (turned adult's) sexual development, brain development, and behavior.

3) Hitting only promotes more hitting (by children and by adults in the form of further and more troublesome abuse) and anger (again, in both children and adults). (The previous link also has a great discussion on why spanking is not biblical. From my upbringing as a Southern Baptist, it makes me ill that any Christian would use Jesus as a justification for striking children. It's also funny to me that there exists an unspoken agreement between spanking churchgoers - I've never heard a pastor preach that violence toward children is part of the path to heaven, but people who believe it sure can point to a few select verses that they *think* support their actions.)

4) Spanking simply doesn't work - it actually tends to increase kids' aggression and misbehavior. So what's the point? And since toddlers/preschoolers haven't even developed impulse control (regardless of whether they've internalized whether a behavior is "right" or "wrong"), spanking just isn't fair. They cannot help themselves! (And let's be honest - teens and even adults sometimes have poor impulse control. Are we going to hit every person who does something we don't approve of? No? Then why hit a defenseless child?)

I have been shocked on more than one occasion out in public when I see a parent strike a child. Too often, it's not only casual (the assault is so ordinary to them that they can do it in front of strangers), but the look on their faces is often one of anger and barely controlled violence. Traditional spanking advocates advise parents not to spank from a place of anger, but when does that ever happen? Anger is the root of spanking a vast majority of the time. And can you imagine how a child perceives the anger twisted onto their parent's face? It must be terrifying.

Anyway - I digress.* Kieran is hitting. And the unfortunate object of his disfavor is usually my sister's cat that we are keeping while she is in Spain for a year. Poor Jack-jow (Jack-jow is Kieran-speak for Jasper) - most of the time he and Kieran are best friends. Kieran is the first one to notice an empty food bowl and make sure I help him fill it, he's constantly going over to give Jasper hugs and kisses and cuddles, he plays with him nonstop . . . and then something clicks and he wants to turn the kitty toy into a kitty whip. "Like a train, Kieran!" is a common phrase in our house - Jasper's kitty stick with feathers attached by a string should always be pulled like a train, instead it is often slicing through the air as an instrument of torture.

Per the above reasons, we refuse to hit our child for hitting. For various other reasons, we aren't planning on using traditional "time-outs" (that's a post for a different day). We've settled on a few different tactics to employ while we ride this phase out.

First and foremost, we are much more vigilant - we try to intercede on Jasper's behalf before anything happens. It can be exhausting, but isn't most of toddlerhood? The same thing goes during play dates - I make sure to watch for signs of frustration and then step in before another child gets walloped.

Along with vigilance is talking about it. We constantly remind Kieran to "use the toy like a train," we explain in plain language why we use gentle touches (hitting is ouch, we like gentle touches, etc.), we talk about Jasper's feelings (or the person's feelings, if he hits someone else), and we help Kieran think of alternatives to hitting ("Kieran, I see you wanted to play with the truck. Let's ask our friend if you can have a turn in two minutes.")

The partner of talking is modeling - we model how to ask for toys/turns, how to use things in a gentle way, how to use gentle hands, etc.

Those things do the trick, for the most part. If Kieran is especially tired or cranky, they may not. As a last resort, we will have him give us whatever he has hit with (so if he continuously isn't using the kitty toy like a train, we'll ask him to put it up for awhile). Or if he's hitting during a play date and I can't calm him down, we'll move to a different area and play with something new.

And because we're not perfect, we've raised our voices at him; but we're constantly trying to practice a more gentle form of redirection.

Kieran + Jack-jow = BFF (usually)

I hope some of these ideas will help someone else one day when their gentle baby turns into a toddler with a heavy hand. Sometimes the most helpful thing, though, is to remember that "this too shall pass." Things that seem so frustrating in the moment will only be a memory very quickly.

Have a gentle day,

*One more comment about spanking: I understand that discipline techniques are always evolving. I do not condemn the parents of past generations who were taught that spanking was an effective and acceptable form of discipline. I hope that every parent makes educated decisions about how to raise their children in *this* generation. There is no reason to keep making the same mistakes when we now have so much information available to us on the detrimental effects of the practice.

A Jedi You Will Be

2009-09-17T11:49:00.001-05:00

I saw this picture yesterday and really love it. Tom and I were discussing the best way to caption it, but I am not enamored with any of our suggestions.

Tom: "It should say 'President Obama-Wan Kenobi.'"

Dionna: "No, it should say 'Isn't he dreamy?!'"

Tom: (rolls eyes)

Dionna: "Ok, ok. What about 'Return of the . . .' What's a good word for someone who super kicks butt?"

Tom: "Obama?"

Obviously, we're coming up short. So I'm leaving it up to all of you smart people. Give me your best caption for this picture:

Roll Over, I'm Crowded!

2009-09-15T21:30:00.002-05:00

We have co-slept with Kieran since the beginning. I had a bassinet that I tried to use a few times - he had none of it. Along with breastfeeding, co-sleeping is one of the most convenient things we've done as parents. We have never had to get up in the middle of the night to either make a bottle or leave the bed to tend to a crying baby, and that has been wonderful for our sleep. Now that Kieran is a toddler, however, co-sleeping is becoming more of a challenge.

For some reason, many toddlers have a tendency to flail and spread out in bed.
Everywhere.
I am woken up several times each night because I feel Kieran flipping over and kicking Tom, so I wrestle him back over with me. Invariably, Kieran and I both end up crowding Tom by the end of the night, who has to fight for both bed space and the sheet. We have a queen size bed right now, but we have outgrown its usefulness.

Make yourself comfortable, kid!

Consequently, we have been on the hunt for a king size bed. We think we have it narrowed down to this memory foam bed from Costco, but I hate buying a bed without being able to lie down in it first. If anyone has any experience with NovaForm from Costco, I'm interested in hearing your story. Personally, I wish we could just put another bed down next to ours. We could just have a room full of beds! But Tom is drooling over memory foam.

Why do we continue to co-sleep, you may wonder? Well, for many of the same reasons we started out that way. Here are a few of our reasons:

1) Convenience: like I said before, there was nothing easier than nursing in bed and falling asleep with Kieran. It took me a few months of nursing before I was able to do it in my sleep, but we have it down to a science now. And since we're still nursing to sleep (and many other times each day), it's still convenient to have Kieran in our bed.

2) Bonding: what better way to form a solid attachment to both parents than snuggling up with them every night? I can't tell you the hours Tom and I spent just staring in awe at the little life nestled in bed with us. Along these same lines, Tom can tell you that I hate sleeping without him; my thoughts on Kieran in his own bed are - why would he want to sleep alone either? He's just a little guy! I'm not forcing him into his own bed until he's ready.

3) Health: skin to skin contact is so essential for a new baby; it can act as pain intervention, it can help stabilize heartrate and breathing as well as reduce crying, it is an essential part of establishing a breastfeeding relationship, it completes brain growth/development, and more. I also felt more secure as a new mama having such close contact with my baby.

4) Sleep: all of us have gotten hours more sleep with Kieran in bed. As a baby nurses, the mother produces a special hormone which acts as a sleep aid for both mother and baby. It was easy for us to drift off during breastfeeding! And having Kieran in bed meant never getting up to tend to him when he was sick, wet, or just restless. (For the record, we also do not believe in "crying it out" or "Ferberizing" kids: it is psychologically and physically damaging to babies and is simply disrespectful to babies' needs. This blogger describes my feelings on CIO exactly.) And even though Kieran is in the midst of the toddler nighttime Olympics (a close cousin of the breastfeeding Olympics, by the way), we still get much more sleep than if we had to get up several times a night to go settle him back to sleep in a separate bed. Kieran simply doesn't sleep well on his own - and yes, we envy those parents who have the rare good sleepers. But it is much more common for kids (and adults) to wake up many times each night. (For a really quick lesson on sleep cycles, read pages 41-47 of the No Cry Sleep Solution, available in this Google Book Preview.)

Those reasons have been compelling enough to keep Kieran in the family bed. It may not work for every family, but we are quite happy with it. Well, if happiness includes a toddler's foot in your eye.

Have a restful evening,
~d

My Bookworm

2009-09-14T23:12:00.002-05:00

So often in one of my online communities, mamas will ask what books toddler and parents really want to read. I'm going to start a running list, to be updated as we go. For now, here are 10 books that we enjoy on a regular basis:

1) Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?: Thank you, Auntie Shawna for this one! This was the first Dr. Seuss book that Kieran really loved. It also inadvertently fast forwarded the letter recognition process: one day we realized Kieran recognized most of the sound words from the book (moo, buzz, pop, etc.) when he pointed them out on the inside front/back covers. Who knew?! It definitely helped him become fascinated with letters.

2) If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: I was really excited Kieran liked this one. I used to read this book my preschool class, so I wasn't sure if he'd be ready for it - he is! It's a fun book of silly "consequences."

3) Doctor Dan the Bandage Man: My mom surprised me last year with a copy of several classic Golden Books that I had loved as a child - this was number one on the list. Tom makes fun of me because I often have to change wording in books to align with my parenting/life philosophies (bottles become mama's milk, firemen become firefighters, etc.), this is one of them. (Ok, for those who will ask - when Dan hurts his finger, he cries and runs to his mama. His mama says "Dan, that is nothing to cry about!" I change it to "Dan's mama gave him a kiss and said, 'here let me help make you feel better!'" Per my Toddler Commandments post (#2), I hesitate to minimize Dan's feelings by telling him he's crying over nothing. Let the making-fun-of commence!)

4) Sometimes I Like to Curl Up in a Ball: not only is this a really cute story, but it's got wonderful illustrations. It's one of several that we've checked out from the library for months at a time, and we need to just buy our own copy. The star of the book is a spunky little wombat - Kieran likes to mimic the wombat's actions, and he loves to point out the detail of the other Australian (I assume) animals.

5) Biscuit books: these are actually easy reader books - they are meant for kids who are just learning to read. Kieran just likes the dog and the simple stories; he can "tell" most of the stories from memory. The one we have next to the bed that gets read daily is Biscuit Takes A Walk. Any book with a family member in it is a favorite in our house - Biscuit Takes A Walk is about a grandpa. Kieran alternately tells me that it is either about "Grandpa Hat" (my dad who always wears a hat) or "Grandpa Motorcycle" (Tom's dad who owns a motorcycle). The other family member favorite book is called "My Grandma and I." We also read that one at nap/bed times.

6) Llama Llama, Red Pajama: since I'm on the subject, his favorite "mama" book is this one by Anna Dewdney. It's got great verse, and it's another one that Kieran likes to act out while we are reading it (particularly the part that says "Baby Llama stomps and pouts, Baby Llama jumps and shouts"). It's also on the list of "books we've kept too long from the library and just need to cough up the money for."

7) Green Eggs and Ham, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and Hop on Pop: three Seuss favorites that Kieran could have read over and over. These bad boys are LONG, so I try to limit them to one or two readings a day. On a side note, Kieran is a sensitive boy - there are several books that I either have to skip pages or take time to soothe him when we get to a problem page, because he tends to get overly emotional. Hop on Pop has a page where a boy bites a tiger's tail - he doesn't like that at all. My Grandma and I (mentioned in #5) has a page where a boy falls off his bike and cries - Kieran "fake cries" every single time we get there, and I have to stop and say something about how the grandma gives him hugs and kisses. Ah, toddlers.

8) Caps for Sale: this is another one that I loved as a child and I purchased it for half-selfish reasons. Tom teases me relentlessly for it, but he also does really funny voices for the peddler when he reads it.

9) Boynton and Carle: I couldn't pick just one book by either of these authors. Boynton's verse is awesome - we particularly like Barnyard Dance and The Belly Button Book. She's a really fun read. Carle has trippy pictures, but Kieran loves his books, especially The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?

10) Goodnight Moon: ah, Goodnight Moon. My mom and I started to calculate the number of times I've read this book in the last year or so. It's the last book we read as Kieran is nursing to sleep at nap and bed times, and I usually read it 3 times each time before he's out. He's just now transitioning to one nap/day, and I started reading this book when he was not yet a year old. So let's do a conservative estimate - 9 times/day since he was 12 months old . . . I've read this book almost 2500 times in the last 9 months. Just so you know, Kieran *just* ripped the back binding off last week, so we're in need of our second copy. That's pretty good for a book read that many times! It is a nice way to drop off to sleep though (I've fallen asleep reading it many times!) - she put lots of "shhhhhhh" sounds in, so you can shush your little one to sleep within the verse.

And now it is time for me to go read a little Goodnight Moon to myself. Goodnight, noises everywhere!

~d

Monsters, Inc.

2009-09-11T18:22:00.002-05:00

In the relatively small amount of time I get to myself, I've taken up a new hobby - sewing. Yes, it is true. Tom bought me a sewing machine last year, and I've slowly been learning how to use it. I decided to make something fun for Kieran this past spring, and several people have encouraged me to make more with the end goal of selling them.

Here is Kieran modeling the set I made for him.

This is a 24 month Gerber onesie - it fits him confortably now (he is 21 months),

but he has some added bulk from his cloth diapered bottom.

It's taken me several months, but below is the first set of my one of a kind Teensy Meansy* dolls and shirts/onesies. I'm considering opening an Etsy shop, but I can't get enough "stock" ready to make it look like a real shop! Maybe I can sell a few on here instead.

*The Teensy Meansy name is subject to change. That's the best I could come up with on short notice, and I'm not really in love with it.

The face on the t-shirt is not embroidered on, I just laid it on there to show you what it would look like. I made 3 faces to match, so you could buy 3 shirts in different sizes (for friends, siblings, or to grow into!). I'd also break them up if someone wanted only a shirt. I don't think I have a red recycled tshirt right now (I could be wrong though) - but if someone wanted me to make another doll to match, we could work something out.

Here are the descriptions I started to write for Etsy:

Teensy Meansy Onesies/Shirts - $15.00 (+ shipping if applicable)

*$5.00 discount if you buy more than one item!

Onesies and t-shirts are brand new and made of 100% cotton. I prewash and dry them before attaching the faces, so they may have shrunk from their original size.

Teensy Meansy Dolls - $15.00 (+ shipping if applicable)

Teensy Meansy dolls are handmade from two layers of recycled t-shirts (machine sewn except for a small opening I leave to stuff the doll with Poly-fil, then hand-stitched shut - this leaves a cute little "scar" on the doll's side); the doll’s features are made of felt. I fuse and then hand-embroider the eyes and mouth on. Dolls are approximately 7 inches tall, and each one is unique.

You may consider laundering your Teensy Meansy Doll in a lingerie bag and washing it on a more delicate cycle before letting it air dry. Each recycled t-shirt is pre-washed, checked for holes/stains/tears, and ships to you from our cat/fish friendly and smoke-free home.

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Interested in being my first customer? Hmmmmm? :)

If you give me a better name than "Teensy Meansy" I'll give you a 10% discount. For life! ;)

This Is How Our Cookie Crumbles

2009-09-10T17:12:00.003-05:00

I have searched for some time for the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe. To date, I haven't found my ideal cookie - at least one that is just plain ole' chocolate chips. I did, however, stumble upon a really close second best. The recipe I found was for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, but I've added a few things to make them loaded with ooey gooey goodness.

There's oatmeal, which means they are great for breastfeeding moms to eat to help boost milk supply (if you need an excuse). I added cranberries, which contain antioxidants and phytonutrients that combat against certain disease s, and coconut, which is classified as a "functional food" because of its many health benefits. Additionally, pumpkin is a great source of fiber and carotenoids, and did you know that chocolate can actually be good for you? It's true! Especially chocolate of the dark variety.

Another benefit of these cookies? You can make a double batch and freeze half. The dough I used today was out of the freezer, and the cookies are just as tasty. I pulled it out because we had a new mama friend and her 2 year old daughter come over for a play date this afternoon, so I baked to impress. (They loved them!)

Kieran loves to help me cook, and baking cookies is a great way to let him work on measuring, pouring, and stirring skills. Baking is also a mini-science lesson for kids - it's so interesting to see what the cookies look like before and after they are baked. I do have to hide the cookies after they are baked though, because Kieran will melt into a sobbing heap if he sees them and can't have one. They really are that good.

Yum!

Yay, cookies! Mama rocks!

I think I'll take this one.

Here he is saying "mmmmm!"

I could eat these all day!

One tip - the cookies are very cake-like due to the pumpkin, so I never completely close the lid on their container; otherwise, they get kind of soggy. And without further ado, here is the recipe:

Pumpkin (Oatmeal, Cranberry, & Coconut) Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 cups flour (I use half wheat, half white; I slightly overmeasure the flour, oats, baking soda, and cinnamon)

1 1/2 cups oats (quick or regular, either works)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup butter, softened

1 cup firmly packed brown sugar

1 cup sugar (I tend to use 1/2 to 3/4 cup though)

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla

1 15 oz can of pumpkin

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 cup cranberries (raisins would work too)

3/4 cup shredded coconut

(You could also add flaxseed meal, nutmeg, and/or nuts.)

Combine flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. In a separate bowl, cream butter then gradually add sugars, beating until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla to the wet mixture, mix well. Alternate additions of dry ingredients and pumpkin, mixing well with a spoon after each addition (if you over-beat with a hand mixer, your cookies will not rise as well - that's true for any cookie!). Stir in chocolate chips, cranberries, coconut. I use a cookie dough scoop to drop heaping spoonfuls onto an ungreased baking sheet. Bake 12-15 minutes at 350 degrees until firm and lightly browned.

If you have the perfect CCC recipe, please share it!

~d

Another Fine Mess

2009-09-09T20:43:00.001-05:00

Many of the families that I know from my area attachment parenting group participate in a cooperative learning program (“co-op”). It’s pretty simple: to participate in the co-op, you have to offer at least one class. Classes can be geared toward any age, even adults, but most of our classes are for the preschool set. Once you offer a class, you can enroll in as many classes as you’d like. No one can make money off of a class; teachers can only charge enough fees to cover their expenses.

Kieran and I have participated in the co-op since he was seven or eight months old, and I have been helping coordinate behind the scenes for the last three quarters. We’ve done so many things that I never would have thought of (or had the energy to prepare) on our own. Here are a few examples: we’ve done tours of a fire station, nature centers, and a local television weather station, a watercolor class, nuudle art, puppet shows, a class where we rode a city bus, and our favorite – a music class called “Toddler Tunes” that lasted for almost a year before the mama had another commitment that prevented her from teaching it (sniff).

This quarter, the first class I offered was a “Messy Party.” Today a group of one to four year olds descended on us to finger paint with pudding, sit in a pool full of beans for measure and pouring play, stick their fingers in Gloop, and enjoy the rest of Kieran’s regular toys. Originally, we were also going to have a pool full of dried rice, painting with regular paint, and fun with bubbles and our sand/water table, but Mother Nature decided to pour on us all day. We did, however, go out and have some messy and wet fun playing in the rain. Everyone had so much fun, and since parents came with the expectation that their kids were going to be a mess, there was no tension or frustration due to smeared clothing or extensive clean-up.

Any one of these activities would be perfect for a toddler on any given day, and none of them are incredibly expensive to prepare. The pudding was simply vanilla instant pudding with a few drops of food coloring; the beans were the biggest expense but will be bagged and stored for later use (I just bought the cheapie pinto beans from Walmart). I love the feeling of Gloop, I've included the very easy recipe below.

Finger painting with pudding

Kieran is much more interested in eating the paint rather than painting with it.

How many kids can you fit into a pool full of beans?

Gloop! So fun to squish and squeeze.

Gloop Recipe

2 parts cornstarch

1 part water

Food coloring

*Mix food coloring into water. Pour cornstarch into a bowl, add water. The mixture should feel kind of hard/crumbly, but when you hold it in your hand the Gloop will "melt" off of it. The top of the Gloop will look like liquid, but feel like a solid. It's a great sensory activity!

Have a messy day!

Toddler 10 Commandments

2009-09-07T21:38:00.001-05:00

My husband, Tom, once remarked that he wished there was some quick and dirty parenting guide. He doesn't have time to read all of the parenting books after I'm done with them, and he doesn't particularly like to hear me quote entire passages. Go figure.

His wish is (sometimes) my command, so I set out to make him a list. I went back through several books I'd recently read: Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, Lieberman's Emotional Life of the Toddler, Cohen's Playful Parenting, and half of Aldort's Raising Children Raising Ourselves (I'm still finishing that one), and asked for the collective wisdom of my seasoned mama friends. I pared down a 10 page Word doc into a page and a half that I entitled "The Toddler Ten Commandments."

There are a few minor corrections I should make to that title: 1) I could name it something with more originality, but the "10 Commandments" has such a ring, doesn't it? I can't put my finger on it . . .; 2) Ever hear that lawyers can't do math? It's a little true. There are actually 14 "commandments" on my list, but again, 10 is nice and round; 3) The word "toddler" could be removed from the title - most of these will apply to kiddos of all ages, but that's where we are in life at the moment; and 4) of course these "commandments" aren't really that - they are suggestions, and not everyone will like all of them. I compiled them based on our experiences and struggles as parents so far.

So without further ado, I give you the Toddler 10 Commandments. I included a few links if you're interested in reading a little more on the ideas.

1. Keep your eye on long-term goals. Toddler “behaviors” will fade; what will remain is how your child feels about himself and his relationship with you, which is based on how you react to those “behaviors.”

2. Take the child’s perspective. Sure it’s hard to be a parent, but it can be a lot harder to be a kid. We don’t mean to make children feel foolish or unsupported, but that’s just what happens when we trivialize their fears or tears by saying “shhh, you’re ok,” or “don’t be so upset,” etc.

3. Let your child make his own decisions. Our default position ought to be to let kids make decisions about matters that concern them except when there is a compelling reason for us to override that right. We should be prepared to justify why, in each case, kids shouldn’t be allowed to choose. The way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions.

4. Reconsider your requests. Perhaps when your child doesn’t do what you’re demanding the problem isn’t with the child but with what it is you’re demanding.

5. Remember SALVE:

(S) separate yourself and your emotions from your child’s behavior to be sure you’re TRULY about to respond to your child, and not as a result of some crap in your life/childhood. (If it helps, run through any angry words in your mind, then get rid of them before speaking gently to your child.)

(A) give your kid full, honest attention;

(L) fully listen, be present for your child;

(V) validate your child’s feelings without adding your own (“I see you want ___,” “you were disappointed because ____”);

(E) empower your child to solve the upset himself. Believe in him; don’t rush to “fix” him.

6. Don’t say “no” unnecessarily. “Yes” should be our default response, such that you need a good reason not to go along with what’s being proposed, or to step in and forbid something.

7. Change the way you see behavior. Try to see behavior as “teachable moments” rather than infractions that call for “consequences.” Don’t take behavior personally! A toddler isn’t trying to hurt or inconvenience you or “misbehave.”

8. Respect your child. We can’t always assume that because we’re more mature, we necessarily have more insight into our children than they have into themselves.

9. Keep her age in mind.

10. Stop saying “good job.” Break the habit of saying “good job/sharing!” or “you’re such a great helper!” or “I like the way you . . .” Instead, try “describing, rather than evaluating (“there’s something new on the people you drew, there are toes”); explaining the effects of the child’s action on other people (“you set the table, that makes things a lot easier on me while I’m cooking”); asking, rather than judging (why did you decide to give some of your brownie to Michael when you didn’t have to?”).

11. Give her undivided attention. Don’t just occupy the same space, interact. It’s easy to feel distracted by emails or bills, and it’s fine to multi-task sometimes, but make sure your child gets a good portion of your total attention so they know how very important they are to you. Give them affection without limit, without reservations, and without excuse. Pay as much attention to them as you can, regardless of mood or circumstance. Let them know you’re delighted to be with them, that you care about them no matter what happens. This basic posture is completely different from praise, which is doled out as a response to something a child does.

12. Talk less, ask more, and wait. Step back and let your child figure things out. Wait for him to ask you for help. He may not. He may figure it out alone or he may do something else entirely, and that’s o.k.

13. Talk about appropriate behaviors. Try “please use gentle touches” instead of “stop hitting.”

14. Enjoy the journey – they grow up too fast. Don’t be in such a hurry!

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!
~d

That's How We Roll

2009-09-07T17:15:00.001-05:00

As a stay at home mama to a busy toddler, I’m constantly searching online for new ideas in several areas:

*fun/educational activities for my son;

*information on attachment parenting, gentle discipline, and other techniques that model responsive/sensitive parenting;

*creative ways to be frugal on our one income budget;

*information on living more consciously (i.e., eating healthy, whole foods; doing our part to leave the Earth a nice place to live by reducing our ecological footprint); and

*promoting causes I believe in such as increased/extended breastfeeding; an overhaul of our broken vaccination system/schedule; the case against circumcision; and others that I’ll write about here from time to time.

On those rare occasions I have time to be crafty, I also like finding ideas on relatively simple crafts to make (and perhaps sell).

It is my hope that this blog will compile some useful information on the above topics for others who are searching.

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For this first post, I thought I’d share one of Kieran’s recent firsts – his first homemade biscuit-making experience. I am guilty of giving in to the simplicity of store-bought biscuits. It’s so easy to peel the can open and slide the pre-made dough into the oven. (On that note, am I the only person who always jumps as the can bursts open at the seam when pressed with a spoon? I know it's coming, yet I still gasp and jump like it was surprising.) But in my quest to make more things from scratch and do new things with Kieran, I decided to give from-scratch biscuits a try.

I remember making biscuits with my mom when I was younger. Kneading and rolling the dough was always intensely relaxing, and I can still hear the sound of each biscuit falling out of the mouth of the glass we used to cut them out – a small, satisfying “pop.” As you can see from the pictures below, Kieran shares my fondness for the process.

He knew he was in for a treat when I cleared the table and let him throw flour everywhere. A mess? He was in! He helped me with every step – he measured, poured, stirred, cut, kneaded, and rolled like a pro. And true to his mama’s side of the family, he took several pinches of dough to nibble on (sampling for quality is a requirement in our house).

Being a complete biscuit novice, I was surprised when my biscuits stayed as flat as we’d rolled them. Doh (or dough, as the case may be *wink wink*) – that’s what happens when you don’t use a recipe that calls for yeast! Regardless of their thinness, the biscuits were little round hunks of heaven. We doubled the recipe that follows below and made about 20 biscuits and 15 cinnamon kisses. We froze half for later consumption (I’ll let you know if they thaw and reheat well).

Making biscuits from scratch is a money saver. Even if you had to buy every ingredient listed I doubt you'd spend more than $10.00, and you could make hundreds of biscuits if you so chose. Cans of pre-made biscuits sell for $1-$2 at Walmart and Aldi, 8-10 biscuits per can.

Enjoy the pictures of our precious mini-baker, and let me know if you have a favorite biscuit recipe. Maybe we can have a bake-off!

Rolling with the miniature rolling pin I used to play with as a little girl.

I think he liked rolling with mama's big rolling pin even more!

Cutting out the biscuits using a glass I filched from my grandma's cupboard.

Spooning on cinnamon sugar to make kisses.

This, by the way, was the dough he most enjoyed sampling.

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My Mom's Buttermilk Biscuit Recipe

1/2 cup shortening (I used butter flavored Crisco)

2 c all purpose/unbleached flour

(*the reviews I read or whole wheat flour were less than stellar, so I didn't try it this time)

1 Tbsp Sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

3/4 c buttermilk (more or less; it needs to be enough to mix

all of the dry ingredients into the ball of dough.)

Sift all of the dry ingredients into a large bowl.

Cut the Crisco into the dry ingredients until it is about the consistency of cornmeal.

Stir in buttermilk until the dough forms a "ball" and doesn't stick to the sides of the bowl.

Flour your table (use wax paper if you'd like); roll your rolling pin and what you are going to cut the biscuits out with in the flour so they don't stick to the dough.

Put the dough in the middle of the flour and knead it at least 20 times. Handle lightly and don't overknead it or it will get too tough. Pat the dough out a bit with your hands and then finish with the rolling pin. The biscuits will not rise in the oven, so leave your dough at least 3/4 of an inch thick.

Cut out biscuits and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Put them side by side if you want them to have soft sides or about an inch apart if you want them to have crispier sides.

Bake at 450 degrees until golden brown; about 10-12 minutes.

For cinnamon kisses, conserve part of the batch (or make a double batch like I did!), and roll it out thinner than you did for the biscuits (about 1/4 inch thick).

Spread butter on the layer of dough, then sprinkle with a cinnamon sugar mix (like you would use to make cinnamon toast) generously all over the butter.

Roll it up about 3 rolls, then cut it and start a fresh roll.

Slice into pieces about 1 inch wide. Place them on the cookie sheet with the biscuits. (My mom's recipe said to cook at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes, but I just tossed them in with the biscuits and they turned out fine.)

I cut out all of my biscuits and made the kisses, flash froze them on a cookie sheet, then tossed them in a freezer safe Ziploc bag.

Unfortunately I don't have a picture of our biscuits to share with you right now, I'll try to remember to snap one next time.

Thanks for stopping by!

~d